Of Our Remaining Games, Should Minnesota Scare Us the Most?
Dear San Antonio Spurs,
Thank you for winning this game, even though you made it too close for comfort. These games count as much as the ones against the Lakers and Magic. Seriously. Look at the rules.
Dear Tony Parker,
Welcome back. Now don't suck and don't mess up the amazing chemistry we've cultivated in your absence.
Dear George Hill,
I miss your shot...I miss your long arms...I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think me and you should get an apartment together.
Dear Manu Ginobili,
Thank your for making winning basketball plays, even when your shot sucks. Nice defense on Tyreke Evans. I love you.
Dear Utah Jazz,
Thank you for beating the Thunder and allowing us to move up to 6th in the West, even if Durant was most certainly fouled on that last play.
Dear Antonio McDyess,
Please keep making your 15 to 18 foot jumpshot. It kind of helps us out a whole lot.
Dear Kings Announcers,
Thank you for saying "It almost makes me want to spit up" (I'm paraphrasing) after Ginobili's insanely amazing layup in the first quarter. That made me almost spit up. Or at least want to.
Dear Pop,
Thank you for not pissing away a game that shouldn't have even been that close.
Dear Beno Udrih,
Thank you for never making us regret letting you go, except for that one kind of good game you had against us. You almost single-handedly lost the 2005 Finals for us, and I would have never forgiven you for that. You're welcome for the ring.
Dear NBATV,
Suck my balls. If you're going to show a certain game on your channel, and by showing that game on your channel you preclude people from being able to see the game on other outlets such as NBA League Pass Broadband, then please show that game in its entirety. I understand that the finish in Utah was crazy, but I just put in two hours to watching the Spurs, and I want to see how the pivotal stretch of that game plays out. Show us the clips of the Utah-OK City game during timeouts.
Looking Forward:
Dear Phoenix Suns,
In case you haven't noticed, we've been playing awesome lately. But so have you. This is a really important game for both of us. I hope we crush you, just like we have every time it's mattered.
Seriously, though, good luck. I secretly kind of like a lot of players on your team, especially Nash and Hill. But not Amar'e. Never Amar'e. I squeal with glee every time Duncan owns him in games. (By "own", I don't mean "scores more points than". That critical difference is what will always separate Duncan from Amar'e.)
Dear ESPN,
Thank you for knowing how to properly broadcast a game.
Thank you for winning this game, even though you made it too close for comfort. These games count as much as the ones against the Lakers and Magic. Seriously. Look at the rules.
Dear Tony Parker,
Welcome back. Now don't suck and don't mess up the amazing chemistry we've cultivated in your absence.
Dear George Hill,
I miss your shot...I miss your long arms...I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think me and you should get an apartment together.
Dear Manu Ginobili,
Thank your for making winning basketball plays, even when your shot sucks. Nice defense on Tyreke Evans. I love you.
Dear Utah Jazz,
Thank you for beating the Thunder and allowing us to move up to 6th in the West, even if Durant was most certainly fouled on that last play.
Dear Antonio McDyess,
Please keep making your 15 to 18 foot jumpshot. It kind of helps us out a whole lot.
Dear Kings Announcers,
Thank you for saying "It almost makes me want to spit up" (I'm paraphrasing) after Ginobili's insanely amazing layup in the first quarter. That made me almost spit up. Or at least want to.
Dear Pop,
Thank you for not pissing away a game that shouldn't have even been that close.
Dear Beno Udrih,
Thank you for never making us regret letting you go, except for that one kind of good game you had against us. You almost single-handedly lost the 2005 Finals for us, and I would have never forgiven you for that. You're welcome for the ring.
Dear NBATV,
Suck my balls. If you're going to show a certain game on your channel, and by showing that game on your channel you preclude people from being able to see the game on other outlets such as NBA League Pass Broadband, then please show that game in its entirety. I understand that the finish in Utah was crazy, but I just put in two hours to watching the Spurs, and I want to see how the pivotal stretch of that game plays out. Show us the clips of the Utah-OK City game during timeouts.
Speaking of timeouts, you should also cut to the game as soon as the action starts back up. Don't have a split screen with the game in a tiny little box on the right side, and the studio guys on the left. I don't really care what they're saying, especially when I can actually see the game they're talking about with my very eyes. Or at least I could if you'd put it on the full screen. If what Chris Webber and Kevin McHale are saying is so important, I'm sure you could figure out a way to play the audio while we watched the game on the full screen. I'm pretty sure that technology exists. I don't really need to see McHale's face when he's talking. Learn time management.
In conclusion, fuck you.Looking Forward:
Dear Phoenix Suns,
In case you haven't noticed, we've been playing awesome lately. But so have you. This is a really important game for both of us. I hope we crush you, just like we have every time it's mattered.
Seriously, though, good luck. I secretly kind of like a lot of players on your team, especially Nash and Hill. But not Amar'e. Never Amar'e. I squeal with glee every time Duncan owns him in games. (By "own", I don't mean "scores more points than". That critical difference is what will always separate Duncan from Amar'e.)
Dear ESPN,
Thank you for knowing how to properly broadcast a game.
posted by secretchord53 at 9:19 PM
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