Dynastic Year

2005 - Year of the Spurs (Steve Kerr confirms what we've been saying here for years)

I've always respected Steve Kerr. I met him. He's a nice guy. A friend of ours went to high school with him. He's also honest about the league and generally positive, though he noted Ron Artest's New Years resolution should be "He vows not to punch any cameras or fans. "

How about Resolving not to record and promote an album when his team needs him? Nor demand a trade, mid-season, the season after his team beatdown some Pistons fans and suffer long suspensions in a national athletic disgrace... thus eliminating them from title contention?

Maybe he should resolve to take up smoking.

Pop Says Pistons Are 'A Ways Ahead' of Spurs

From The Detroit News:

The Pistons have tied for the fourth-best start in NBA history.

"I think they are playing a lot better than us right now," said Spurs coach Gregg Popovich, who joked before the game that the Spurs and Pistons would have to play well in the 'JV' game so people would stay and watch the 'varsity' game between the Los Angeles Lakers and Miami Heat. "We were close to them at the end of last year, but they are a ways ahead of us now."

My Christmas Star

Happy Holidays, loyal Dynasty readers. Doesn't matter whether the Pistons pulled away at the end, at home, with Manu out. It was a great game and the Spurs have nothing to worry about.

You can see the star I hung on my Xmas tree.

My tree is a living sequoia, a native redwood in California. It's in a pot, in a bucket, so it will live year-round on my deck.

The sequoia is one of the most extreme living things... it starts as the smallest seed of any plant in the entire kingdom, and becomes not only the largest tree in the world, but is the largest living thing on the planet, plant or animal.

From a ruined pool in the Virgin Islands to 8-time First Team All-NBA (in 8 years... Larry Bird only made it 9 and Duncan is about to match that), 3 times Finals MVP, nearly 3 League MVP's in a row (barring injury, he was still the best player on the best team)...

Tim Duncan is the star on my Christmas tree. Happy Spurs Holiday Season to all !

Bad News/Good News for Spurs

The bad news is that for the first time this season, the Spurs have lost two consecutive games. I was going to post before last night's game against the Bucks something along the lines of, "The Spurs Don't Lose to Good Teams."

That had been true for 24 games -- four of their five losses were to inferior opponents -- all except Dallas in the third game of the season -- 11/5 Dallas, 11/12 Washington, 11/25 Chicago, 12/10 Atlanta, 12/18 New Orleans.

Now add Milwaukee to that list, and unlike Washington, Chicago, Atlanta and New Orleans, they are a legitimate playoff contender.

What happened? Duncan fouled out in overtime.

Duncan had a season-high 34 points on 15-of-28 shooting and grabbed 13 rebounds before fouling out with 22 seconds left in overtime. Tony Parker added 22 points and Nazr Mohammed 11 in the defending champion Spurs' second straight loss.

Duncan, a two-time MVP, scored 11 points against New Orleans on Sunday, but made his first six shots Tuesday. He had 18 points in the first half, helping the Spurs build a 14-point lead late in the second quarter.

"Once he was gone, the guys didn't really flow in their offense as much," Bogut said. "There was a lot of pressure on Parker and (Robert) Horry and those guys, and that really helped us."

San Antonio has dropped three of its last four on the road after losing just two of its first nine away from the SBC Center.

The Spurs took a four-point lead early in overtime, but Williams' free throw after Duncan fouled out cut it to 106-105. Horry gave the Spurs a two-point lead with one free throw with 20 seconds left before the Bucks tied it at 107 on Bogut's follow shot 6 seconds later.

The good news from last night's NBA action is that legendary Spur George Gervin's record for most points scored in a quarter still stands, although Kobe Bryant came very close to beating it last night.

"It was quite an exhibition for three quarters Kobe put on tonight," Jackson said. "I've seen a few 60-point ballgames in my time, but none of them had been done by the third quarter."

Bryant scored 15 points in the first period, 17 in the second, and a franchise-record 30 in the third before taking a seat for good with the Lakers leading 95-61.

"His 30-point third quarter was incredible," Jackson said.

The previous Lakers record for points in a quarter was 24, shared by Bryant and Hall of Famers Jerry West and Elgin Baylor.

The NBA record for points in a quarter is 33 by George Gervin of San Antonio in 1978. Denver's David Thompson scored 32 in a quarter the same season, and Wilt Chamberlain 31 for Philadelphia in 1962, when he set the single-game NBA record with 100 points.

That loss to the Hornets was so ugly...

...if it were a prostitute, Funk would be its only client.

...for a few seconds, I actually considered becoming a Lakers fan.

...Pop went Singaporean in the locker room after the game: multiple canings for everyone.

...it made Beetlejuice look like Denzel Washington.



Any others, guys?

Why Do Spurs Lose?

I sense a strange trend developing with this year's San Antonio Spurs.

Ok, there's not a lot of data to go on, since the Spurs have lost just 5 games out of 24, but look who they've lost to:

11/5 at Dallas, 84-103
11/12 at Washington, 95-110
11/25 vs Chicago, 99-106
12/10 at Atlanta, 84-94
12/18 at Oklahoma City, 76-89

What do these games have in common?

• 4 out of 5 were on the road. No surprise there.
  
• All were played on the second night of back-to-back games. No surprise there, either.
  
• 4 out of 5 games were against teams with losing records. Now that's strange.

Six days and counting until the Christmas Day showdown against the Pistons, who are presently the best team in the NBA.

Sports Year in Review

From Onion Sports Year In Review: Team Sports

The biggest sports stories in 2005 were not always the best. Yes, champions were crowned in notable fashion: the USC Trojans captured their second straight national title; the New England Patriots cemented their dynasty status with their third Super Bowl win in four years, the Spurs won a thrilling Game 7 to win the NBA championship

June 25—In an attempt to show how much of a team player he is, 2005 NBA Championship MVP Tim Duncan says he would like to share the award with his teammates, with the exception of Manu Ginobli, who, Duncan said, "I hate very much."

Oct. 17—NBA Commissioner David Stern announces that he is implementing an especially strict dress code for himself, including tailored Italian suits, handmade silk ties, custom-crafted leather shoes, and wafer-thin gold or platinum Patek Philippe watches. Financial aid is made available to allow less-affluent commissioners to conform to the new rules, violation of which is punishable by three weeks off with pay.

Spurs are Perfect in Nail-Biters

Winning close games is what great teams do. It's not luck or good fortune which allows a good team to win the buzzer beaters. But don't tell that to Kevin Garnett and the Minnesota Timberwolves, who have lost three straight games by a combined five points.

The Spurs are 2-0 in overtime this year and in seven games that have been decided by six or fewer points, the Spurs are 7-0.

The San Antonio Spurs have won their last two games by a combined three points, thanks to Michael Finley stepping up for the injured Manu Ginobili.

Finley, the longtime Dallas starter replacing the injured Manu Ginobili, hit a 20-foot jumper with 2.5 seconds left to give the Spurs a 90-89 win over the Sacramento Kings on Saturday night.

In the three games since Ginobili went inactive with a sprained right foot, Finley has averaged just under 20 points per game and made eight of his 13 3-point attempts.

And San Antonio has won all three.

Some other interesting Spurs notes this week:

• Bruce Bowen has played 295 consecutive games for San Antonio, one short of the team record held by Avery Johnson.
  
• The Spurs set a franchise low for turnovers with four against the Clippers, eclipsing its mark of five set on March 18, 2004 against Minnesota.

POP CALLS THE TEAM SOFT

SpursDynasty exclusive (SO exclusive, we can't legally claim anyone actually said anything below, so we'll use National Enquirer journalism standards)

Immediately after losing to the terrible Atlanta Hawks, and at the earliest point in a Spurs' season ever, Coach Greg Popovich gave his annual "This Team Is SOFT" speech, a longstanding team tradition.

Yahoo reports:

"On Saturday night, they (the Hawks) finally finished a game, snapping a seven-game losing streak by beating San Antonio 94-84 to deny the Spurs their best 20-game start in franchise history.

The Hawks entered the game with the NBA's worst record while the defending champion Spurs have the most wins in the league. "

Greg Popovich, according to someone who may or may not know him, supposedly said: "The guys were denied by the lousy Hawks who just blew 7 games. We're the reigning champs.

You tell me the Spurs aren't a soft team. Tim Duncan knows this team is soft. You either wear a big 'fro because you have a ton of soul and are a hard, hard guy like Big Ben Wallace, or because you're cultivating a q-tip look. Tim has soul, but he's so soft he could be used to clean the ears of an elephant with that hair. He let Al Harrington outplay him. Al Harrington, several inches shorter, and oh, he sucks. MVP or just plain soft?"

Popovich went on to berate other players by name, reffering to Rasho "Fucking Soft Batch Keebler" Nesterovic, Brent "Pack of Charmin" Barry, Nazr "Floatin' On A Cloud O' Titties" Mohammed, Tony "Le Softique" Parker, and Beno "Hard As A Kirstie Ally's Ass" Udrih.

He supposedly went on, unconfirmed and therefore not legally allowed to sue us, to say "This team is flaccid. They're about as hard as you can get while fantasizing about your grandmother naked. No really, they're goddamned soft. You cannot quote me on that! Get over here, VanExel... you are soft and creamy like so much goddamned pudding. I couldn't even play you for fear of your rich, sweet creamy texture."

Popovich has given this speech annually, but never quite so early in a season. Usually, this speech, which is a team tradition, follows on the heels of home losses to teams like the Bulls. Coach Popvich had barely been able to restrain himself, according to reports.

"This is a team of goddamned destiny. This is not a franchise. This is a team for the ages. This is a goddamned DYNASTY. The Mongols weren't conquered by the likes of Royal Ivey goddamn it. Is he even a player? He sounds like a goddamned flavor of Axe cologne, goddamn it. "

He concluded with "this team is soft. I've coached better 65-and-over ladies' teams" then proceeded into an incomprehensible, profanity laced tirade. The team is now 17-3.

#12 is my next jersey.

My wife will never read this, so I can admit the truth here: I'm in love with Bruce Bowen. After his performance ever at age 33-34 last season, he's even better this year, shutting down everyone from Allen Iverson to Dirk Nowitski, blending seamlessly and selflessly into the offense, finishing on the break consistently, passing nicely, and nailing his 3's - he's currently the 4th-best 3-point shooter in the L. The guy represents everything that's great about the Spurs organization: hard work, defensive intensity, poise and grace under pressure, class both on and off the court (I've heard only good things about him from people who know him), and utter relentlessness. His stats don't begin to show what he does for the Spurs. There's a reason why he plays 34 minutes a game while competing with the likes of Manu Ginobili, Michael Finley, and Brent Barry for PT at the swing positions, even when Pop has expressed a desire to limit his regular-season minutes.

The one thing I don't like about Bruce's game is his habit of occasionally stepping under jump shooters. It may be that he does that more to distract shooters rather than to intentionally injure them, but the fact is that he has injured a few players that way. But I'll forgive him that one foible. As for all of the other tricks of the trade that some players accuse him of using, that's all part of championship basketball, you whiny bitches.

Even though Bruce is an absolute ironman and takes great care of himself, at some point he'll start to lose a step, and it won't be long before he retires. I hope he'll continue to be part of the Spurs organization in some way for many years to come, because as far as I'm concerned he's a Spur and a San Antonian for life. His loyalty to the franchise and his contributions off the court set him apart. To give just one example: In the summer of 2004, he renegotiated his contract to allow the Spurs to sign Brent Barry - at a higher salary than Bruce was getting. I love Brent, but does any sane person doubt that Bruce is infinitely more important to the Spurs' success?

If the Spurs don't retire Bruce's jersey, I'll be mighty pissed. He might be the first guy with a career scoring average of 6.4 points to have his jersey retired, but he absolutely deserves it.

But it's too early for that debate. Bruce still has a lot more superstars to shut down and a few more championships to win. In the meantime, I'll be wearing my #12 jersey proudly as I talk smack vicariously through the TV to all of the scorers he frustrates, night after night.

Thank you, Bruce Bowen.

Spurs-Heat Flashback

During the Spurs-Heat game last night, ESPN ran footage of the last time the Heat won in San Antonio -- December 23, 1996. That game changed everything for the San Antonio Spurs.

David Robinson played just six games in 1996-97 after missing a total of 17 games in his first seven season. He was sidelined for the first 18 games of the season while recovering from a lower back strain, then saw limited duty after he was activated on Dec. 10. He played in six games and averaged 17.7 points, 8.5 rebounds and 1.3 assists in 24.5 minutes per game. On Dec. 23, in a game against Miami, Robinson suffered a non-displaced fracture of the fifth metatarsal of his left foot. He was placed on the injured list the next day and underwent surgery on Dec. 27 at which time a screw was inserted in his left foot. He missed the final 58 games of the season. There were rumors that the Spurs kept Robinson on the injury list in order to play a weak season and therefore improve their position in the draft. This turned out to be a smart move as the Spurs got the #1 pick in 1997. With their first pick the Spurs selected Tim Duncan from Wake Forest.

Last night's win over the Heat was a great game for the player who came to the Spurs as a result of Robinson's injury against the Heat in 1996.

Tim Duncan was involved in all the highlight reel plays in the Spurs' victory over the Heat, who may have played their last game without Shaquille O'Neal.

First, Duncan got "posterized" by Miami's Dwyane Wade, who tomahawked a dunk over him with 4:16 remaining in the first quarter.

In the third quarter, it was Duncan's turn to do a "poster" dunk over a great defender, jamming over Alonzo Mourning and doing a 180-degree swing around the rim to punctuate the play.

Later, Duncan provided the comic relief when he raced the ball up-court after stealing it from Miami's Antoine Walker and tried to go behind his back to leave a pass for teammate Nick Van Exel, bouncing it off his foot and out of bounds in the process.

Said Spurs' point guard Tony Parker: "I told him: 'Just stay at the center position.'"

They don't play pussy basketball in China.

I think a lot of us Americans have an impression of the basketball played in other parts of the world, especially Europe and Asia, as being much more reliant on skill and strategy and outside shooting, and less reliant on kicking the other guy's ass. In other words, we think we play tough basketball, and everyone else plays pussy basketball.

Wrong.

I admit, as I walked into the gym for my first pick-up game ever on Chinese soil, I expected the guys I was playing with to be more finesse players, and that I (not being the most graceful dude or skillful basketball player, even by cracker standards) would be more or less like a bull in a Chinese gym, to put a twist on the old expression. That was before guys heedlessly crashed into me fighting for rebounds, leaped directly into my big fat American frame on their way to making layups in my face, and fouled the shit out of me when they couldn't stay in front of me. Granted, the group I was playing with was not a bunch of average dudes just fucking around, and even included some former semi-pro players. But they were also far from the top tier of young players in China today, and so they left a deep impression on me: the next generation of Chinese basketball players is going to have more than just the occasional freakishly tall yet skilled Yao Ming; it's going to have some tough, legitimately athletic AND skilled players who will make a mark on international basketball and even the NBA. I'm not the first one to make this prediction, I'm sure, but now I've seen the evidence with my own eyes. And felt it in the numerous souvenir bruises they left me with - just like a good pick-up game in the States.

The one problem they need to avoid is that they have a tendency to spoil their popular athletes and thus ruin their potential, as Chinese football (or soccer, as we foolishly insist on calling it) fans can attest.

Hell, maybe I should contact the Spurs about helping them scout here. I may not be R.C. Buford or Sam Presti or Danny Ferry or Lance Blanks, but in China it's all about greasing the wheels...with plenty of liquor. And karaoke. I just need to brush up on my Motown, Simon and Garfunkel, and Beatles songs ("Do the Evolution" isn't exactly a ubiquitous karaoke song here), and I'll be set.

This country is crazy about basketball, but unfortunately for us here at Spurs Dynasty, understandably, most people are Rockets fans. Actually, that's more unfortunate for them. (Btw, quit blaming Yao, you dumbass American Rockets fans! What was he supposed to do with McGrady AND their top two point guards out, and all of their scrub guards shooting such a low percentage and jacking up inexplicable threes with plenty of time on the shot clock? The criticisms of him that are usually repeated are way out of date. Shut up already.) The usual attitude here toward the Spurs seems to be one of somewhat grudging appreciation for their intelligence and competence. Hmmm, that sounds familiar. Well, at least there's China Spurs.

In related news, due to relentless pressure from the sports-related media, stand-up comics, and objective accounts of U.S. and British history, I've finally decided to accept that it's just uncool to be white. Fortunately, I have an option. My enormous amount of Chinese street cred has enabled me to officially become an honorary Asian. Really, all I had to do was drop the Cauc. Wait, that didn't come out right. Uh, anyway, Dingo and Funk, when are you guys going to admit that the U.S.S. Whitey is a lost cause, and jump ship? I'll speak to my Asian brothers and see what I can do for you.

One last thought: Did you guys know that Blogger apparently has a feature that enables it to automatically present everything in Chinese if you log in from an IP address in China? Interesting. Once again, my mad Chinese skillz have come in handy.

That's it for today's China update. Reporting live from Shanghai, I'm Buranlate Abakelanbi. Damn, that's a geeky name even in Mandarin.

MY HOUSE

Finley starts for the Spurs and we beat his old team to solidfy dominance in the Midwest.

Most excellent.

From Tha Onion

Phil Jackson Introduces New Tetrahedron Offense

Western Conference Final Preview?

Dallas may currently be just 5th in the Western Conference, but make no doubt about it, they are the second best team. And had it not been that the Spurs came out on top after seven lead changes in the final 2 minutes 48 seconds of play last night, the Mavericks would be tied for first with the Spurs at 11-4.

Great teams find a way to win, somehow.

The big news last night was that Tony Parker scored a season-high 30 points. Once again, Tony leads the Spurs in scoring with 21.0 PPG in 15 games. It's astonishing to think that Parker is just 23 years old and is having the best season of his career.

As far as I can tell, taxing the living daylights out of Eva Longoria hasn't hurt Tony's game one bit.

The Spurs won without Manu Ginobili, who is out with a jammed right foot. In place of Manu, Michael Finley made his first start, "made his first shot and finished with one point more than Dirk Nowitzki, whose shooting woes continued. Plus, Finley made the free throws down the stretch."

Does anyone else think that the Spurs are capable of winning 70 games this season? Right now they're on track to win 65 or 66, but since they've only lost to the Bulls, Bullets, uh, I mean Wizards, and Mavericks, it would seem like they're worst enemies are themselves.

Granted, it's early, and besides the Mavericks and LeBron James the Spurs have yet to face the best teams in the league, but December is going to be a testing month: Miami (12/7), LA Clippers (12/13), Detroit (12/25), Indiana (12/27).

Can you whup it though?

Spurs-Lakers:

My take... "Fuck them sorry bitches. "

You can quote me on that.

Hear me, Phil Jackson? You are a bitch. Of course, Kobe's the Biggest Bitch In The World, so you have to take a seat at his feet.

Not such a Zen master without an all-star lineup, eh as-teriskhole?

Spurs defeated the Lakers, Kobe went off for a million and still lost.

Sorry bitches.

PS Laker fans - fuck you and your bullshit, fixed, fake-ass, pro-wrasslin' chumpionships. I've seen more legitimate Don King fights than those title runs. For fuck's sake, Globetrotters games are less scripted.

Did I mention the Spurs beat that ass? For like the 6th time in a row now? Which is the franchise dynasty, you lousy fucks? Can you whup it though?

SPURS' BIGGEST VICTORY

So far, the Spurs' biggest victory, as Dingo pointed out, was the thorough domination of the now-Pacific leading Golden State Warriors... a team to be respected.

The Spurs had a monumental win over them last season in Oakland, with Manu mostly out, Tim completely out, Eva Longoria in the house, and Tony Parker reminding her that he is her MAN and after beating down the (mighty!) Baron Davis in a shootout duel for the ages, he was going to take her home and tax the living daylights out of her.

Note - she has since, of course, tatoo'ed his initials on her privates. Yes, Tony Parker, Le Penetration (pron. "peh-nuh-trah-see-ohhhhh") has rocked Eva Longoria's sex so hard that he has branded her magnificent butterfly.

Wow. That's manly.

So this season, the Spurs put the Big Clamp down on defense, and by halftime led the mighty Warriors by 30. Ouch.

I pointed out to Casanova and Rhino that every time Nick VanExel touched the ball, the fans booed. They were mad he left after a season I guess?

Casanova said "They're not boo'ing. They're saying "Boo-urns."

That's why I bring the hilarious motherfucker with me to basketball games. Oh, and I found out he and Rhino have been to as many Spurs-Kings games as I have in the last 5 years.