ANNUAL TRADITION - EARLY PLAYOFF LOSS

It was in the bag. It was Sacto's one big shot at a win. They pulled one out.

The Spurs got the Annual Round-One Wakeup Call, and Game 4 will be an overwhelming response. Expect the Spurs to control the 4th quarter, if not the 2nd half.

NICE NUMBERS:
* Tony is 17-18 from the FT line in the playoffs, averaging 6.7 assists, 19.7 pts per game. Make no mistake, this is dynastic.
* Tim had 29pts, 12 boards, and 6 blocks last game.
* Mike Finley is shooting 54% from the floor, 57% beyond the arc, and hasn't missed a FT.
* Manu gave them Game 3, but hey, he took Game 2 from them with a little help from his friends, especially...
* ...Brent, who is shooting almost 60% fg, 50% treys, and obviously punked Bibby out with the monster downtown shell to push OT
* Muhammed is 10-12 from the floor in the playoffs, which is very nicely efficient, to go along with 83% from the FT line (very, very important)
* Rasho is 8-12, 6.3pts and 6.3 rebs a game so far. But the most telling stat - he is 100% from 3 point range.

Aw yeah.

Manu "the Tiger" Ginobili Takes Out Artest

There's no question this would make me run away in fear.

Well, Bessie, bring out the gimp and take the red-headed stepchild out behind the shed! That was an LAPD-style, can't-we-all-just-get-along, royal rectum-ripping the likes of which Bramlet has never seen in 18 years of watching Spurs playoff basketball. Absolutely breathtaking.

(By the way, now I guess we know where Manu gets his strange athleticism: his Spider-Man underwear. But I think having Peter Parker's face down there in my crotchal region would disturb me far too much to allow me to ever wear those...even if it meant I'd be able to dunk on Ben Wallace.)

TTFN, Ron-Ron!

Forgive me, dear SpursDynasty readers, for my delayed response. I've spent the last 60 hours with my DVR, watching Artest hit the ground and the Kings cry on the bench over and over. You've gotta love it when everyone's talking about how Artest might shut down Manu, and within seconds, Artest is on the floor with a bloody lip, and Manu scores a quick six points after taking it right to the hole repeatedly. That was a massive statement. I had a feeling at that point that the Kings were in for a beatdown of epic proportions.

So I was going to post a bunch of X's-and-O's analysis about how the Spurs can't count on shooting like that again, how the fact remains that there are some unfavorable matchups for the Spurs in this series, how Brad "Just Plain Bad" Miller can't possibly suck that hard again, how this will still probably be a hard-fought series, etc. But all of those things seem like moot points in the face of the Spurs' playoff onslaught. Spurs fans have been waiting all season long, with increasing impatience, to see the Spurs play up to their potential. Well, folks, we saw it on Saturday. They flipped their playoff switch, and they dominated.

And in case you're wondering, no, of course that isn't really Manu.

Happy 30th Birthday, Timmy!

Don't forget to give Sean Marks his blazer back.

SPURS REACT TO BREAKING NEWS

SPURS RESPOND TO RON ARTEST THROWING SELF INTO-THE-AIR-AFTER MANU ELBOW, THEN ELBOWING MANU DELIBERATELY SUSPENSION

THE KINGS GET MET FULL ON

SPURS RESPOND TO RON ARTEST CLAIM THE KINGS ARE GOING TO BEAT THE SPURS AND WIN THE TITLE

7 Spurs players scored in double digits. ALL SPURS SCORED ON THE KINGS.

Nazr Mohammed was dunking and lighting up the trey.

The Spurs were doubling Sacto late in the 2nd quarter.

The Kings cut it to 27, Pop went deep to the bench, and the Spurs 8th-12th men extended the lead back to the largest of the game.

The Spurs' defensive double-teams were quick and sharp. The assists were everywhere. Duncan snapped the ball out of double teams on him quickly.

Did you see the double passing, where the second Spur would touch pass it to an open man?

DO YOU THINK MICHAEL FINLEY WANTS A CHAMPIONSHIP?

Robert Horry was described as a "Dynasty Unto Himself" by the ESPN commentator.

THIS IS OUR TIME, THIS IS OUR DESTINY, THIS IS OUR DYNASTY



... enjoy.

Kill Bill?

Oh, Bill Simmons. Why must you toy with my emotions like a cruel, insect-killing child?

In his new Page 2 article, Bill manages to pit my two greatest passions (other than you, of course, honey!) against each other.

On the one hand, he shamelessly predicts that the Spurs will lose to the Mavericks in Round 2, after being taken to Game 7 by the Kings in Round 1 - despite the Spurs' managing to win 63 games in the Western Conference, despite their being essentially healthy for the first time this season, despite their unprecendentedly ridiculous abundance of clutch players, despite their history of making pundits who predict their demise eat their words. But I suppose I should be glad that the Spurs are flying under the radar, not getting the respect they deserve, because that has worked well for them in the past. Ultimately it's just one more sign that they will win the championship yet again.

Still, I take insults to the Spurs quite personally. I would indulge myself in a satisfying rant about Bill, if not for his masterful ploy: simultaneously kissing Pearl Jam's collective asses while dissing the Spurs. In fact, I would assume that his use of Pearl Jam was nothing more than a preemptive defense against my withering verbal assault, if not for the fact that his fanhood was publicly established long ago. (Which begs the question: Does Bill have such Gregg Popovich-like foresight that he actually foresaw his future clashes with the Bramlet?)

At any rate, the column begins by giving a little background info on Pearl Jam's relevance to the NBA as a pretext for further discussion of the band - a move that I have nothing but respect for, as I have often subverted conversations that had no connection whatsoever to Pearl Jam in order to indulge in a little verbal PJ love. Bill goes on to use snippets of PJ's lyrics to introduce his take on a number of issues in this year's playoffs. My favorites? His tribute to Big Shot Rob, his use of lyrics from “Glorified G” to threaten violence if ABC uses “that horrible Rob Thomas song” in its playoff coverage again, and his transcription of the lyrics to “Yellow Ledbetter.” I think there are entire Pearl Jam fan sites, perhaps even entire branches of science, devoted to figuring out what the hell Ed is singing on that one.

This "irrationally overboard Pearl Jam fan" takes issue with one of your comments about the band, however, Bill: You’re wrong to compare PJ’s last couple of records to Vince Carter’s half-assed performance in Toronto. Sure, under the circumstances, they weren’t motivated to sell lots of records to boneheads who only “get” their anthemic stuff, but they never cared much about sales anyway, and that certainly doesn’t mean they didn’t put their hearts into their music. It’s obvious to any student of Pearl Jam that they were following their muses to places that require a little patience and thoughtfulness to appreciate. One bit of incontrovertible proof of this: the band's decision to leave the more superficially appealing songs like “Sad,” “Education,” “Fatal,” “Down,” and “Undone” off the last two records.

I've said it before, and I repeat it here: Pearl Jam are the Spurs of the music world – humble, fan-friendly, likeable guys who work hard, have a sense of ethics and responsibility, wear age-inappropriate clothing in public (yeah, yeah, I'm guilty of this, too), and are fucking great at what they do.

I guess you’ve managed to save yourself again, Bill Simmons. But you’re still on notice. If you tease the monkey long enough, it's eventually going to fling feces at you.

Why am I never lucky enough to see these mythical feces-flingers at the zoo?

And then, when it finds a way out of its cage, it's going to rip into you like Tom Cruise on a placenta.

Mmmm...tasty.

(Wow, does it shock anyone else that the unofficial mouthpiece of the Chinese government actually has a sense of humor?)

By the way, if you haven’t heard it yet, the new Pearl Jam album does indeed rock. It’s a more anthemic, melodically catchy record that plays to the band’s strengths and doesn’t challenge the boneheads quite as much as their last couple of records. Not that I’ve heard it, of course, since it’s not officially available. That is, unless an enterprising PJ fan manages to exploit the mistake of some limey wanker at a British department store, of all places, who put the songs up for download early. Otherwise, it’ll be available on May 2.

Next up: my thoughts on the Spurs vs. the Kings.

The calm before the storm.

I know SpursDynasty has been quiet as the Spurs ended the most successful regular season in the franchise's history, but stay tuned, folks. The title defense begins tomorrow, and we here at SpursDynasty have a lot to say.

Check back later today for the opening salvos in our 2006 Playoff Campaign.

Ex-Spur Alvin Robertson "Prepares To Surrender"

There will be no Hall of Fame induction for former Spur Alvin Robertson, not ever. This despite the fact that he is one of only 4 players to record a quadruple-double. Too bad.

Since he first bounded onto the basketball court as a Spurs guard in 1984, Alvin Robertson rarely has allowed obstacles to impede him.

The ex-Spurs star with a troubled past has breached multiple barriers. One of the latest, authorities said, was a protective order.

Last week, officials issued a warrant for Robertson's arrest in connection with a 2004 charge of violating a protective order that currently is pending in court. The warrant was issued because Robertson failed to maintain contact with the bail bond company handling his release, according to court documents.

Authorities had issued another arrest warrant in February in which Robertson, 43, is accused of driving with an invalid license and violating probation. He was due in court on Tuesday for a hearing, but failed to appear due to a miscommunication with his lawyer.

Robertson said over the phone Wednesday that he planned to turn himself in to authorities this morning.

"I'm doing the best I can to turn myself around," he said. "It's just tough."

In 1996, Robertson was placed on probation after pleading no contest to charges of fondling one woman and biting another who tried to stop him.

That same year, Robertson was convicted of burglary stemming from previous charges of burglary of a habitation, resisting arrest and assault. In that case, a woman told police Robertson kicked down her door and ransacked her apartment after she had refused to talk to him on the phone.

In 1997, Robertson again was placed on probation after pleading no contest to misdemeanor charges of vandalizing his ex-girlfriend's BMW one week after a restraining order filed by the woman had expired.

In 2002, Robertson received a three-year prison term for violating his probation after being accused of sexual assault. He was released from prison in 2003.

Wednesday, the one-time Defensive Player of the Year and Spurs All-Star expressed regret for the less glamorous aspects of his past.

"The Spurs are great guys, and they don't need to have my name mentioned with them in the same sentence," he said. "The Spurs don't need to have their name dragged like that."

Sean Marks Gets Playoff Time!

Ok, not yet, but today's announcement by the NBA makes it likely that he'll at least be on the roster during this year's playoffs.

NBA postseason rosters will expand to 13 this season, with teams deactivating one player before each game.

This will be the first time teams will be allowed to make changes during the playoffs. In the past, they had to stick with the same 12-man roster throughout the postseason.

Nine of the 12 players on last year's playoffs roster are certain to be on the 13-man roster this year. And we here at SpursDynasty feel good about exchanging Glenn Robinson, Devin Brown and Tony Massenburg for Michael Finley, Nick Van Exel, Sean Marks and Fabricio Oberto.

If the roster were only 12, my guess is that Pop would have chosen Oberto over Marks, given that he's had more minutes in more games this season, and had 8 rebounds against the Mavericks last Friday.

Hey Pau...

Timmy has been slowed recently, not only by plantar fasciitis but also by a bout with the flu, so it was breathtaking to watch him reassert himself as a dominating presence in the Spurs' victory over the Grizzlies on Sunday. He took over the game in the 4th quarter, both offensively and defensively, getting key baskets and making key stops on Pau Gasol in the clutch. That is the TD I expect to see in the playoffs, when he'll have at least a day of rest before every game. He won't be at full strength until he's had a few months off his feet. But he was good enough on two gimpy ankles to lead the Spurs to a championship last year, and I have faith that he will find a way to do it again.

To TD's doubters:

Timmy always has and always will have his critics, but here are a few things I know about Tim Duncan:
1. He is a two-time MVP who has led the Spurs to three championships.
2. He has the total respect of NBA players, who flock to San Antonio for a chance to play with him.
3. He has played through pain on many, many occasions in his career, when most of us would be too pussy to play basketball at all, much less at the highest level in the world.
4. When healthy, he is still one of the best players in the game. And as long as he can get over his plantar fasciitis this summer, he will continue to be that for a few more years. The rumors of his decline have been greatly exaggerated. It's obvious to those of us who watch him regularly (and aren't punk-ass bitches) that when his foot feels good and he has anything close to his usual mobility, he still dominates.

Here's an interesting tidbit for you TD and Pop fans out there: the reminder to drive on the left on the sign above might be a reference to Pop's first visit to St. Croix after the Spurs drafted Timmy in '97. He didn't know that he had to drive on the left, which was a reasonable assumption given that the Virgin Islands are a U.S. territory. According to Pop himself, he cursed out a number of people before he realized that he was the idiot driving on the wrong side.

Kudos to Pau Gasol, by the way, for his continued improvement. He's become a hell of a player, despite his struggles against the Spurs' admittedly physical defense on Sunday. But he will never be Tim Duncan.

Time to tonight's Sonics smackdown: T-minus 4 hours 34 minutes and counting.

Bramlet's Giblets: April 7, 2006 - "All Apologies...and Articles"

As I am too disgusted by the events of the last 24 hours for any sustained commentary on the current state of the Spurs, I present for you, the fortunate few who know about SpursDynasty, another edition of "Bramlet's Giblets." In this edition I will present a number of recent Spurs-related articles that I have deemed to be of interest to the serious Spurs fan, as a distraction from painful memories of Ron Artest blocking Manu's shots.

First, however, I would like to issue a general apology to Spurs fans everywhere, and even to the Spurs themselves, for my inexcusable laxity and apathy in the execution of my voodoo duties. The Spurs' deep, talented lineup this season lulled me into a state of complacency regarding their ability to dominate the league without my help in winning the favor of the vodun. Yes, the Spurs are on pace to have the best regular season in the history of the franchise. For that, I can take no credit. But I must take the blame for their frustrating inability to play more than one good game every 48 hours. I know there are unbelievers out there who pooh-pooh voodoo and call me cuckoo. But can it possibly be coincidence that whenever the team has been exhausted after a tough game the night before, and I have, like a naive, rational fool, failed to maim the opposition in effigy, they have consistently lost? I think not. Q.E.D., the boys still need Bramlet's help, despite the impressiveness of their roster.

[By the way, soon you, too, our thirteen loyal readers, will be able to aid our beloved team properly, through the time-honored methods of tearing, burning, and eating likenesses of opposing players, when we post our "Official Guide to Watching Spurs Games the SpursDynasty Way" (or should it be "SpursDynasty's Official Guide to Spurs Viewing for the Non-Pussy"? Hmmm...) In the meanwhile, I'll do my best to make up for my heretofore lackluster efforts to ensure that any supernatural intervention is on the side of the Spurs. You hear me, David Stern? Praying to Mammon will not avail you.]

I know, I know...you forgive me already. Enough of this self-indulgent groveling. On to the aforementioned articles.

• Speaking of the Spurs' troubles in back-to-backs, Mike Monroe of the Express-News wrote a good article about this problem a couple of weeks ago.
• TP's 3's: For those who didn't catch the game against the Utah Jizz (which, paradoxically, is impossible for anyone who has permission to read this site), TP's shooting continues to improve by leaps and bounds. He went 3-for-4 from downtown in the game, including two timely bombs to help hold off the Jizz in the 4th quarter. The truly spectacular one, however, was his absolutely beautiful, Reggie Miller-like heave from around 28 feet at the end of the 1st quarter that hit nothing but net. We here at SpursDynasty have been commenting on TP's progress all season, and we continue to be impressed by it. Tony looked like a shooter out there, for Jesus'* sake.
• Dave "D'Hack" D'Alessandro wrote an article about how the Spurs are an utter failure because they are on pace to win less than 82 games. Mr. D'Alessandro can be flamed via e-mail here.

Next time, ignore the Nolte Method and follow the Delay Dictum, Dave: give 'em a big smile when they take your mug shot.

• John Hollinger, on the other hand, gets it right in this article about how the Spurs' performance this year is actually quite impressive considering the hurdles they've had to overcome. He also gets Bramlet Points for putting Nazr on his "All-Underrated" team (in an ESPN Insider article that requires a subscription to view).
• Charley Rosen continues his subtle anti-Spurs agenda in this article about the Spurs' victory over the Clippers on their home court - the title implies that it was the Clippers' flaws, not the Spurs' greatness, that determined the outcome of the game.
• Charles Barkley recently made some surprising comments about his induction into the Hall of Fame.
• If you can ignore the awkward product plugs, this video of Kenny "The Jet" Smith visiting TP's house is kind of cool, if for no other reason than to see Timmy, Robert, and David (yes, that David) make embarrassing admissions about the TV shows they watched in the 80's. Hint: One of TD's favorite shows featured an intimidating black man with a mohawk who apparently felt great compassion for people who exercise poor judgment.

I pity the fool who has to play the Spurs when they've just lost a game at home.

• A very cool person posted this clip containing highlights of Manu's career on YouTube. Check out the right side of the page for more clips from the same talk show appearance. (By the way, don't sign up for a YouTube account if your self-esteem is fragile. When you do, it will deliver the humiliating and disillusioning news that you have "zero friends," that is, until you invite some people to sign up for an account and watch videos. Please, help out a lonely and desperate man, and e-mail me your name and e-mail address so I can invite you to join.)
• Look here for a translation (by this cunning linguist) of this recent interview with Manu.
• Here is an article by former NBA coach Bill Fitch on tonight's Spurs-Mavs game (aka Mavs own-ass-reception).
• Those interested in betting on the game may find some useful information here. But of course, betting against the Spurs results in automatic excommunication from the Church of Duncan, so your choice is already clear.
• And finally, this article discusses the Spurs' circular and apparently fruitless search for a solution to their rebounding woes, much like Sisyphus rolling the boulder up the hill, only to have to start over again...and again. But then, the beauty of life is in the journey, no?

And now, dear readers, I must go begin preparations for the voodoo ritual that will ensure that the Spurs have the mojo to mar, mangle, mutilate, manhandle, maim, maul, molest, and otherwise maltreat the Mavericks tonight. To properly enjoy the fruits of my labors, call up that cousin of yours in Dallas who's always talking empty shit about how this is the year the Mavericks will overcome the Spurs...and gloat maliciously.

I hope you make your peace with God or Odin or whatever it is you Krauts believe in, Dirk, before "The Rash" rapes you again tonight.

* my S.A. homeboy "hey-SOOS," who is the inspiration for the Spurs' success

You're only asking for more wrath

"You're only asking for more wrath" - Homer J Simpson

Oh, Sacto, Sacto, Sacto.

They beat us down in our own gym. It wasn't pretty.

I have a feeling that the Mavs are going to get some frustration taken out on them.

Prior to that, the team has been on a tear. Get this - we were doubling the Jizz in both points AND FG% halfway through the 2nd quarter.

We were 6-of-6 beyond the arc, shooting a scorching 73% while limiting the Jizz to 35%, and more than doubled them in scoring too. In Utah.

That's why Sacto killed us. Da boyz were overconfident.

Oh yeah, Ron Artest - fuck you.

Bramlet's Giblets: April 2, 2006

Here it is, the thing you didn't know that you've been waiting for (but trust me, you have - the bug I planted in your brain tells me so): the first installment of "Bramlet's Giblets," a new series of posts about miscellaneous Spurs and NBA tidbits and other random viscera that I intend to put up when I don't have time to work on something more substantial.

• Here is a page of photoshopped images, many of them hilarious, using Nash's "I just realized how special I am" expression in the photograph that appears in one of my posts below. My favorite? This brilliant piece of work, done by a Slovenian Spurs fan:

• This brief interview with Manu appeared in a recent ESPN the Magazine:

Jock High: With Spurs Guard Manu Ginobili

Class Clown: "Brent Barry. He's a funny dude - the jokes he's got, the way he answers questions. Sometimes we're talking seriously, and he'll just come up with a funny line."

Most Likely to Succeed?: "The two youngest players we have are Tony Parker and Beno Udrih. Tony is already succeeding, so he doesnt count. Beno is going to be a good point guard in this league for years because he's solid and does everything good.

Best Dressed?: "Bruce Bowen is always in a suit and tie. All the rest of us are more relaxed."

Worst Dressed?: "I don't know if it means worst, but the guy who dresses the least elegantly is Tim Duncan. All he ever wears are jeans and sneakers."

Prom King?: "The leader on this team is Pop, Gregg Popovich. We don't have a leader in the locker room who's always talking or trying to show us the way. Sometimes everybody has something to say, but the one with the last word is usually Coach, which is probably as it should be."

Best Looking?: "Tony Parker for sure. He was voted top 50 in looks by People magazine. So it's got to be him."

Bully?: "Bully? You're killing me with these crazy American words! But i asked around, and my teammates tell me it means someone the picks on others. And you know what? That's me!"

Class Nerd?: "Bruce Bowen reads a lot. He's always studying, and now he's trying to learn Spanish. He's real into books."

Mr. Congeniality?: "There are plenty of nice guys on this team. It always seems when my family comes here or my wife's family comes, they all fall in love with these guys. They always say hi and make everyone feel important. It's the whole family thing. That's one of the reasons I'm so glad to be here. Well that and winning."

• If you're reading this blog, you've probably heard about Google Video. But you might not know that the NBA is offering downloads of every NBA game for $3.95 a pop. I recently bought the Spurs-Rockets game that was not broadcast here in the Bay Area because of ABC's damnable "regional coverage," and while the quality isn't great (if it were, the download would be absolutely interminable), it's pretty good for watching on your computer screen. Personally, I'm overjoyed by this development, because it gives me a fail-safe way to keep my archive of Spurs games complete, even when I'm in China for a month and my DVR runs out of space, or when I suddenly find myself in the hospital with a facial abscess caused by an ingrown nosehair and am unable to record a game. I might even consider this as an alternative to keeping literally hundreds of videotapes of Spurs games in my apartment - Mrs. Bramlet is starting to become rather annoyed by the amount of closet space taken up by my treasured collection.*

Another advantage of these videos is that you don't miss any of the game (as you might in the event of an overtime game being broadcast immediately before it, for example). I wonder if they always give you the local broadcast when there's one available, so you don't have to listen to ridiculously homerific and/or ill-informed commentators for some team that's still bitter about not drafting Tim Duncan or Tony Parker?

For those Spurs historians out there, apparently they will be making an archive of every NBA game ever played available to fans. Finally, I can go back and watch that game in which a lineup including (if I remember correctly) Lloyd Daniels, Vinny Del Negro, Larry Smith, and David Wood led the Spurs back from a 21-point deficit against the Sonics! Remember the days when the Spurs actually had rosters made up of scrubs like that? Damn, it's good to be a Spurs fan in 2006.

• Spurs Assistant GM Sam Presti writes an occasional column for spurs.com. His latest blog entry gives a report on three of the future Spurs who are currently playing in Europe. These words from the mouth of the Spurs' master talent evaluator (and capologist extraordinaire) himself give some additional information to go along with SpursDynasty's own report on these players from a few months ago.

Damn it, this ended up taking longer than I'd planned. Guess I'll just have to wait until Sunday night to get some sleep. Gotta get to work, people!

* No, I don't want to use a DVD burner because there are so many issues with them and with using DVDs as a storage medium. Eventually, I'll transfer my videotapes to a format I'm satisfied with. In the meantime, I'll just have to keep throwing out all non-Spurs clothing to make more room in my closet.