The Ten Best Things About the Spurs' Elimination by the Mavericks

As my thoughts have ranged from the suicidal to the homicidal to the tyrannicidal to the genocidal* to the ursicidal over the last 36 hours, in my great desperation to find an alternative to violence, I have turned, finally, to optimism. Yes, looking on the bright side is for pussies. Yes, I swore to myself that I would never resort to optimism again. Yet as a temporary measure in these, the worst of times, it seems somehow justifiable.

Thus, without further ado, I present “Bramlet’s Ten Best Things About the Spurs’ Elimination by the (Motherfucking) Mavericks”:

10. The Spurs didn’t go down without one hell of a fight. We can, like the whimpering wusses we temporarily are, console ourselves with the knowledge that the Spurs came within a Duncan putback of finishing off one of the greatest comebacks in the history of the NBA playoffs, not only in Game 7, but in the series. The Spurs showed their champions’ hearts—it’s just unfortunate that they apparently left their champions’ brains in their lockers.

Does anyone doubt this man now? Let’s recite it together: 41 points, 15 rebounds, 6 assists, and 3 blocks. Absolutely monstrous.

9. Mark Cuban won’t kill himself. Poor Mark appeared to come a bit unhinged over the course of the series, and the urge to end it all appeared etched on his face at a number of points during the last few games. What a tragedy it would be if the world were deprived of this wonderful, wonderful man.

What would life be like as an NBA fan without the Man We Love to Hate?

8. Jerry Stackhouse can still become the first Ferengi to win an NBA championship. (Thanks to Friend of the Dynasty RAY-nay for spotting the similarity.)

Jerry Stackhouse (above) has spent his entire career obeying the 236th Rule of Acquisition: “Sacrificing oneself to help win a championship is bad for the bottom line.”

By the way, did you know that a Google image search for “Ferengi” yields 4700 results? There’s something frightening about the fact that even the trailer trash of the Star Trek universe have that many devotees.

After Game 7, I felt like throwing down a few dozen of Quark’s award-winning Warp Core Breaches.

Follow the link above if you want to make one of these babies the right way. The “Warp Core Breach” recipe propagated by most cocktail sites is a fabrication of the liberal, communist, America- and United Federation of Planets-hating media.

7. David Stern’s wet dream of a Spurs-less Western Conference Championship has been realized. For once, we won’t have to read about how HGTV’s “How to Make Paint Dry More Efficiently” consistently gets higher ratings than any Finals game involving the Spurs.

It’s called defense, and it’s fucking beautiful. But the masses will never get it.

6. SpursDynasty’s soon-to-be Senior Singapore Correspondent RAY-nay is free to commence his capricidal quest to corral African poverty by eating all of its goats. This is the kind of insight that only a Peace Corps veteran can give you: out-of-control goats are eating Africa's crops faster than its people can grow them! Are you paying attention, Bono and Bill Gates?

The sub-Saharan short-haired scapegoat, not a combination of corrupt warlords, intertribal warfare, crushing debt, malaria, AIDS, and the aftermath of European imperialism, is the real cause of famine in Africa.

5. The Wife of The Bramlet has only Bramlet’s Pearl Jam obsession left to vie with for his time and attention. Unfortunately for her, they just released a new record and started a series of tours that will last for at least another six months—which, of course, means dozens of “official bootlegs” (now offered in FLAC for the lossless Nazis!) to collect so I can savor every drunken Vedder witticism, blown lyric, searing McCready guitar solo, stunning melodic nuance, and mind-altering Rearviewmirror jam. But I’ll still find plenty of time to spend with my wonderful woman.

4. Spurs fans can focus on the next generation of Spurs, who will help the team become younger, taller, stronger, faster, and more athletic very quickly: J.R. Smith, Viktor Sanikidze, Luis Scola, and Robertas Javtokas. And in a year or two, we’ll have Ian Mahinmi.

Robertas Javtokas is a MAN. The Bramlet guarantees that he won’t get benched for an entire series.

3. The Spurs will get more rest and will be motivated to rip the league a new one next year. Hell, they need the extra rest, especially with Timmy’s plantar fasciitis (which has been held in check, not cured) and with a number of Spurs scheduled to participate in the World Championships this summer. My prediction: Manu redeems himself by leading Argentina to a world championship and keeping his streak of winning some kind of championship in every year since 2001 alive. (I include a 2002 World Championship in that streak, because as everyone knows, if Manu had been healthy—or if Argentina hadn’t been flagrantly jobbed by the refs—they wouldn’t have come in 2nd place.)

2. We’ll be able to enjoy an exciting and amusing offseason of outraged fans calling for Pop’s head. It’s not that I believe Spurs fans don’t have the right to express their opinion, but the hubris of armchair point guards who think they’re more capable of leading the Spurs to a championship than Gregg Popovich never ceases to blow Bramlet's mind. There’s a tone of angry self-righteousness to some of the criticism that is stunning, especially coming from the luckiest fans in the NBA. More on these topics later.

This man has to be the most questioned winner of three championships in the history of sports.**

...And finally, the best thing about the Spurs' elimination by the Mavericks is:

1. Spurs fans can finally relax. Let’s face it: it’s a damn long season, and the playoffs present a pretty heavy psychological burden for us true Spurs fans to carry. The intense demands of ensuring that the Spurs have enough Mojo to overcome the disadvantages of being a small-market team, being despised by ESPN, and having to contend with Satan’s minions threaten to overwhelm us at times.

Spurs fans know that with great power comes great responsibility.

I’m looking forward to life returning to normal—or at least as close to normal as life ever gets for someone who performs voodoo rituals against opposing players, eats three-year-old Championship Wheaties, and engages in vicious self-flagellation after painful playoff losses.

Opus Dei has nothing on The Bramlet, who is an eager practitioner of multiple forms of self-abuse.

Spurs fans, it’s been a great season despite the soul-crushingly, baby-seal-killingly disappointing way it ended, and I have faith that next season will be another return to glory for the Spurs, highlighted by a ruthless neck-stomping of our new archrivals. But really, the NBA season never truly ends for us at SpursDynasty, because the Spurs are not a team, they are a way of life. We’ll have more to say in the coming days and weeks.

The Age of Duncan ain’t over yet, and neither is the Spurs Dynasty, baby!

* Mavericks fans are a race unto themselves—a filthy, degenerate race of obnoxious, knuckle-dragging fairweather-fan yuppies. Except for you, Sloan!

** That is, with the exception of football (soccer) coaches, who don’t count, because everyone knows that “football fan” is simply a euphemism for “crazy motherfucker who ought to be in a straitjacket, throwing himself against his padded walls.”

Fate and Odds Now on Spurs Side

After the Spurs went down 3 games to 1 in their series with the Mavericks, most of the sports media wrote them off. We here at SpursDynasty had our doubts, but never lost faith. And now that the series has gone to 7, fate and the odds are back on the Spurs side. The dynasty continues.

• NBA teams are 77-17 at home in Game 7s
  
• Starting with the 2001 postseason, home teams have won 13 of 16 Game 7s.
  
• Tim Duncan is coming off his worst game this series, scoring "only" 24 points. An extra day off between games likely will have him refreshed.
  
• Parker has had extra days to rest his sore hip, as well as time to get over an awful Game 6, shooting just 3-for-15 from the field.
  
• Wouldn't it be just like Robert Horry to check in about now?
  
• Bruce Bowen has been scoreless in the past two games. Don't expect it to happen again.
  
• The Spurs are the odds-on favorite to win Game 7.
  
  

THAT'S NOT A SPEEDBAG YOU'RE PUNCHING

Can you tell it's mid-May? The bitch-ass Mavs are reduced to dirty hits in the playoffs against us again. Juwan Howard clotheslined Derek Anderson, injuring him and ending our title run. Then he clotheslined Malik.

Of course, the Mavs are not alone. Robert Horry (then a Laker, Lord forgive his sins) punched David Robinson in the tackle in a playoff game. When that didn't have enough impact to damage the brass of The Admiral (Horry probably hurt his hand)... Horry hit him with a low blow again.

That's dirty, lousy, punk basketball. I didn't like it when Rodman played dirty as a Spur in the playoffs, and it's w e a k to punch Spurs below the belt in the playoffs. That's not basketball.

Jason Terry is a 2-bit bitch with a one dimensional game and big choke performance on the floor. That just added to the momentum avalanche hitting the Mavs and picking up steam.

This is a Dynasty and it will not be denied by cheap shots.

We'll See Jason Terry in Game 7

I'll see you in Game 7, bitch!

From the Dallas Morning News:

According to film submitted to the league by the Spurs, Terry clearly punched Finley in his groin area.

San Antonio coach Gregg Popovich said there was no doubt about Terry's intent.

"Oh, yeah," he said, when asked if the punch was intentional. "I don't think someone gravitates toward that area randomly with their fist when you're laying on the ground.

"I was a little surprised. I didn't see any of that on the court. I saw Michael Finley jump up and be very angry at the end of the game. He kind of moved toward Jason. I didn't know what the deal was. And then somebody brought us the film later. And we saw him punch him between the legs. I was just amazed by it."

Terry's suspension will be without pay and will be a huge loss for the Mavericks. He is the Mavericks' second-leading scorer at 18.2 points per game in the series against the Spurs, which the Mavericks lead 3-2.

If they can't close the series Friday at home, Terry would return in Game 7 on Monday in San Antonio.

NBA Reviewing Mavericks' Star

From SpursReport

Jason Terry punched Mike Finley in the groin at the end of the game last night.

The NBA is, in fact, reviewing.

This could turn the series ultimately.

That, and the indomitable mettle of champions.

Eva Longoria is Repeat Champ

Newsworthy? Not really, but this stuff is interesting as long as Eva sticks with Tony Parker.

Eva Longoria tops Maxim's seventh annual "Hot 100" list of the most successful women in film, TV, music, sports and fashion for the second year in a row.

"I was actually really shocked last year when I made the list," said the 31-year-old Longoria, who ranked No. 91 on the 2004 roster.

"So 91 to No. 1 was a big jump, and then to get it a second time in a row I just couldn't believe it," she said Friday. "I was like, `Surely there are more beautiful women in the world.' I can name 10."

[Editor's note: Only 10? How modest of Eva.]

Maxim said it is the first time the magazine has bestowed the No. 1 honor back-to-back. Editors made the selections for the issue, which will be on newsstands Thursday.

What does boyfriend/San Antonio Spurs star Tony Parker make of all this?

"Oh, he's very proud," Longoria told the AP. "He thinks he's with a beautiful girl every day, so for him, it's, you know, someone else solidifying what he already thinks."

FIGHT ON

36 points
12 rebounds
12-12 from the field at one point, tying the record
4 assists
3 blocks

Tim Duncan, MVP.

How to maximize the Spurs' Mojo: Watch the game the SpursDynasty way.

I know there are people out there reading this who think they're Spurs fans. You go to some games, you own a Spurs shirt or two and maybe even a jersey, you cheer good plays, you read some articles. (And you obviously haven't taken the SpursDynasty Purity Test.)

Let me break this to you gently: If the Spurs are eliminated from the playoffs tonight by the _allas motherfucking Mavericks, it's on your conscience. You're doing nothing to help the team you claim to love.

"But what can I, a humble fan who can't suit up for the Spurs and doesn't even have tickets to the game tonight, do to affect the outcome of the game?" you ask. If you have to ask that question, you must be the kind of poor victim who sues McDonald's for serving coffee the way it's supposed to be served: flesh-searingly hot. But there's hope for you yet - at least where your Spurs fanhood is concerned.

If you follow "SpursDynasty's Official Rules for Spurs Game-Viewing" (otherwise known as "How Not to Be a Pussy, the SpursDynasty Way") as you watch the game tonight, your fat complacent ass will finally be doing something to help the Spurs win.*

Step 1: Pre-Game Preparation

First, you will need to dress appropriately. Colors other than silver, black, and white are forbidden** - if someone has stolen your Spurs underwear and socks, appropriately-colored generic replacements will do in a pinch. It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway for the benefit of any former Mavericks fans who are trying to repent, that Spurs shorts, a Spurs Championship t-shirt, and a Spurs jersey are required attire. As for the jersey, the more obscure the player and the less likely he is to get on the court except in the event of a blowout, the better. Lots of people are already generating Mojo for our stars by wearing Duncan, Ginobili, and Parker jerseys, but a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Sean Marks jerseys are especially powerful, as are those of old-school players like David or Sean. (For tonight's game, an old Avery Johnson jersey has special power - wearing it will completely fuck with Avery's head. Or you can burn it angrily.)

Second, you will need to find an item infused with years of Spurs Mojo. Keep it present throughout the game, as a magnifying medium for the channeling of Mojo to the Spurs.

I found this ticket from 1993 recently inside my copy of The Autobiography of Malcolm X, which I read 13 years ago. That's some serious Mojo!

Third, you will need to cleanse the viewing area of any impurities. Anything even vaguely associated with the opponent must be removed. Your pet steer, Mark the Maverick, for example, must be banished from his spot on the couch for the day or, preferably, sacrificed with a blunt knife.

Fourth, be sure to have all of the supplies necessary for proper viewing of the game. Read the rest of the rules for a list of these supplies.

Step 2: Pre-Game Ritual

After you have prepared yourself and the viewing area, the next step is to bring down the wrath of the vodun on the opponent by completing a traditional voodoo ritual.

First, download photographs of the opposing players (and their obnoxious owners, if applicable). A google.com image search will yield many results to choose from. (For tonight's game, keep in mind that an image search for "goober" yields the greatest number of photos of Mark Cuban.) Non-flattering photos are preferable, of course, and photos involving the Spurs dunking on them are best.

Second, use image editing software to mar the photographs. I've always found an "x" over the player's face and the word "Die!" written over his body to have a certain charm. Then print the photos out. Use a high-definition color printer if possible.

Apparently, Mark pissed off Trey Parker and Matt Stone at some point.

Third, cast Pop-Pops (or some variant such as "Party Snaps" or "Snap Dragons") upon the photos. This is most effective if done while muttering obscenities about the players' ancestors. If you do this properly, the players should be covered with gunpowder residue by the time you're finished.

I always get my pop-pops in Chinatown.

Fourth, burn the photos. The best way to do this is to hold the flame under each player to create an expanding circle of black ash where his face used to be, until the paper catches fire. There's something vicious enough about this method that one has the feeling that the player senses a disturbance in the force from afar.

Fifth, toss the remains of the photos into the toilet as they burn, and flush them down. This way of adding insult to injury is the ultimate indignity for a bling-sporting NBA stud.

Finally, feel the bliss of perfect peace wash over you as you prepare to watch the game, knowing that you're about to witness painful humiliation of the Spurs' opponents.

Note: Those watching the game on TiVo delay are permitted to complete this ritual after the game has begun. Past experience has proven to me that the old "Schrödinger's cat" hypothesis apparently applies to voodoo as well as quantum mechanics - the outcome of a game remains undetermined until those conducting a voodoo ritual watch it. (Past experience has also proven to me, by the way, that a canister of poison gas will kill a cat every time.)

Step 3: Game Viewing

The rules for viewing the game are quite complicated, so I highly recommend that you familiarize yourself with them before the game, or you will find yourself scrambling desperately to follow them on the fly. In fact, they should be so deeply memorized that they become second nature and do not require any conscious thought to execute. If you have difficulty with memorization, tattoo them on your body Memento-style.

What does Bramlet have tattooed on his body? "First pants, THEN your shoes."

The following general principles will help you maximize the efficiency of your game-viewing voodoo:
1. The greater the level of your intoxication, the greater the power of the Mojo you generate. You must release your mind from its everyday prison of inhibitions, skepticism, accurate sensory perceptions, and coherent thoughts.
2. Loudness and obnoxiousness are mandatory. If your neighbors don't call the police, you're slacking off.
3. Consistency in executing these rituals is critical. The power of voodoo lies in irrational belief in the ability of symbolic ritual to affect the physical world. Failure to execute them consistently implies a lack of belief in the absolute importance of your actions.

Once you have understood and accepted these principles, study the specific rules below carefully:

Hug a basketball like TD just before tipoff. (Refer to the graphic at the top of the page for instruction on how to do it properly.) If you time it just right, you'll exponentially increase Tim's Mojo.

Drink one shot of beer (good beer*** - none of that corporate rat-piss) from your Spurs shot glass after every good play by the Spurs. This includes points scored, blocks, steals, great passes, ankle-breaking moves, spectacular rebounds, intimidating tirades by Pop, and obvious flops that somehow still manage to fool the refs.

If you don't have one of these, I don't see how you can call yourself a Spurs fan. But then, I didn't think you were a true Spurs fan anyway.

Beer spillage must occur at some point during or before the game. However, it must be spontaneous spillage rather than calculated spillage. If you don't have someone who is naturally clumsy or who tends to get physically out of control in your Spurs viewing group, a high level of intoxication will ensure that this occurs.

Have a Designated Spaz present. Without someone to react excessively to every play, run around manically like a soccer player after made baskets, elicit rounds of high-fives, threaten to destroy furniture and/or the television, yell smack at the opposing players, and fulfill the aforementioned spillage requirement if no one else is capable, it is unlikely that your group will achieve a sufficient level of excitement to generate the requisite Mojo. If any circumstances prevent the execution of these Spaz duties by an adult human, as a last resort, an excited three-year-old or a strange dog will do. Note that public viewing of the game does not excuse the Spaz from any of these duties. It is the Spaz's job to forget himself so completely that he isn't aware that he is embarrassing himself in public.

It probably isn't difficult for readers of this site to guess who the Designated Spaz at SpursDynasty is.

Come up with ritual reactions to plays, tailored to the individual players. Here is a list of some of the ones we like to use:
Tim: Yell "TD!" or chant "MVP! MVP!"
Manu: Yell "GINOOOOOOBILIIIIIIII" like Charles Barkley.
Tony: Laugh like the stereotypical obnoxious Frenchman. If he pulls the teardrop on someone, cry sarcastically to taunt the opponent who just got scored on.

Mah nehm eez To-nee Pah-care, and I weel make you crah like zee beh-bee!

Bruce: Perform Bruce Lee moves or yell "You've been Bowened, bitch!"
Robert "Nutshot" Horry: Yell "Ohhh, right in the nuts!" after a big shot.
Nazr: Yell "Allahu Akbar!" or "Peace be upon you, motherfucker!"
Rasho and Beno: Yell "Humiliated by the Slovenian Terror!"
Pop: Chant "CIA! CIA!" every time he bitches at the refs.
Dirk Nowitzki: Mutter something insulting in a Schwarzeneggerian voice.
Jason Terry: After a brick, insult him in the voice of Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog.

Ohhh, yehsss, Jason, that was a beauuutiful shot...FOR ME TO POOP ON!

You might also consider drinking a different type of alcohol for each player, such as red wine for TP or 40-ounce malt liquor for Bruce. You are encouraged to create your own ritual chants for general use as well. The SpursDynasty boys have taken to saying "Bramlet Abercrombie!" every time we make a toast. I'm not sure whether that's intended as a compliment, but I just join in anyway and say it in a pirate voice for good measure.

"Arrrr! Shiver me timbers, if it isn't Bramlet Abercrombie!"

During critical games, pass around a box of Spurs Championship Wheaties as a snack. Normally, Casa Sanchez tortilla chips and Casa Sanchez pico de gallo are the preferred snacks, but Wheaties provide extra Mojo. My leftover 2003 Championship Wheaties worked like a charm in Game 7 of the Finals last year.

Consider toasting them first to kill any mold or bacteria.

If the situation gets desperate, try eating photos of opposing players. This tactic resulted in a miraculous run down the stretch of that Game 7, when we were in the middle of a sports bar crowded with dozens of Pistons fans and were thus unable to do any burning. I took Lindsey Hunter right out of the game. He was hell on my bowels the next morning, but a little diarrhea is nothing next to an NBA championship.


Unfortunately, this is all that I have the time to post today. But these rules are enough to ensure a Spurs victory. If you follow them, you can sleep well tonight knowing that you finally did your part as a true Spurs fan.


* Disclaimer: SpursDynasty.com, its parent company, its subsidiaries, its offshore tax shelters, and any individuals associated with the site will not be held responsible for destruction of property, injury, projectile vomiting, public humiliation, eviction, or death caused by adherence to these rules.

** With the exception of any old-school Spurs clothing bearing the "fiesta-colored" logo.

*** Preferred beers include Negra Modelo, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, Guinness, anything by Lagunitas or Speakeasy, and for added Texas Mojo, Shiner Bock or Lone Star.

Beware: Peter Vecsey is a Bad Writer

Ok, so Peter Vecsey's column in today's New York Post ("Beware: Spurs Are Mad") is littered with mixed metaphors, but I still appreciate the sentiment: the Spurs aren't going to go down without a fight.

Any demonic thoughts that the Spurs may have left it all in Dallas following two perforated gut checks that leave them one loss away from officially being dethroned need to be instantly exorcised.

If the Mavericks think the barbed-wire barrier they cleared Monday in taking a 3-1 series advantage was razor rigid, wait until Gregg Popovich's wounded players get a whiff of Avery Johnson's huntsmen in Game 5.

If Dallas thinks its riddled target was a road kill in Game 4, imagine how ornery and obstinate the Spurs figure to be in Game 6.

And I think we all know whose side the percentages (and the refs) are on should a Game 7 in San Antonio be necessary.

A blast from the past: It's time to represent.

While I work on the mother of all posts (to be posted later today), I thought it would be appropriate to share this pre-SpursDynasty missive, written during last year's Finals, after the Spurs had their asses handed to them twice in a row. It's been altered to reflect the current target of an imminent Spurs bitchslap:

It is time to represent as you have never represented before, people. Wear black underwear. Eschew gold jewelry for silver. Participate in black masses. Drink only from that old Sean Elliott Taco Cabana cup you have hidden in the back of your cabinet. Refuse to patronize any Dallas-based corporations. Break out that Mark Cuban dartboard that you thought had become passe. Play your 2005 championship DVD repeatedly - at work. Refuse to engage in conversations about anything not directly relevant to kicking the Mavericks' asses. Wear only cowboy boots, or some other kind of footwear to which spurs can be attached. Eat Rice Krispies, but ignore the "snap" and "crackle." Actually, base your entire diet around foods whose names contain Spurs-related words. If you're a bishop, excommunicate any non-Spurs fans in your diocese. If you're a smoker, roll cigarettes using pictures of the Mavericks starters. If you're a teacher, go to absurd lengths to make analogies to the Spurs in your lectures.

In other words, eat, drink, breathe, wear, bleed, dream, speak, write, teach, buy, shit, and puke Spurs. Our boys' backs are against the wall, and they need our help.

Believe!

Mark Cuban Reads SpursDynasty.com

Either that, or we have a plagiarist in our midst.

On April 17, Mark Cuban wrote on his site, blogmaverick.com:

A team loses last years MVP of the NBA.
Then it loses its 2nd leading scorer to a division rival.
Its coach is in his first year as an NBA coach.
The team is successful in turning its approach to the game around 180 degrees from offense first, to defense first.
Four of its top 8 players are injured for weeks or months at a time.
This isnt a team of 4 all stars.
This isnt a team of 2 all stars, like the teams in the standings ahead of it.
this is a team of 1 All Star.

Compare this to the comments left by "mavsdynasty" on FunkTiger's recent post, "M V P".

Mark, if you are reading this, congratulations to you and your team. Dirk, Jason, Josh, Jerry and Devin have played a hell of a series, but it ain't over yet, so don't start celebrating.

The Wisdom of Crowds redux

It was a great game last night ...

Should Dallas win again, fans might be disappointed to see the series end. Expectations have been building since it became obvious in December this would be a second-round matchup, and four games later it's close to being a classic. This was the third one decided at the end, the first that required overtime.

It's been exhilarating to watch the two best teams in the league battle it out in such close games. In fact, all but one of these games could have gone the other way. The Spurs might well have been headed home now, up 3 games to 1, as easily as the Mavericks might have swept the series in four straight.

Yesterday I sought the wisdom of the crowd to determine the outcome of Game 4. Although the top 10 managers in my Spurs-centric "Drive to the Finals" league picked Mavericks over Spurs by a margin of 5-3, the top 10 managers overall picked Spurs over Mavericks by a margin of 8-1. Five picked Ginobili and three picked Parker.

The crowd knew that the Mavericks would win.

(For the record, I picked Duncan, but not because I didn't think the Spurs would win, but rather out of fear that they wouldn't, and I wouldn't have a chance to play him later.)

The Wisdom of Crowds

Last year I read an interesting book by James Surowiecki, "The Wisdom of Crowds." In it, he offers an accessible, entertaining "introduction to applied behavioral economics and game theory":

If four basic conditions are met, a crowd's "collective intelligence" will produce better outcomes than a small group of experts, Surowiecki says, even if members of the crowd don't know all the facts or choose, individually, to act irrationally.

"Wise crowds" need (1) diversity of opinion; (2) independence of members from one another; (3) decentralization; and (4) a good method for aggregating opinions. The diversity brings in different information; independence keeps people from being swayed by a single opinion leader; people's errors balance each other out; and including all opinions guarantees that the results are "smarter" than if a single expert had been in charge.

It's a given that I'm a biased observer of the San Antonio Spurs and the outcome of tonight's game 4, but I seriously doubt that the Spurs will lose. These Spurs are accustomed to winning, having finished with a franchise best 63 wins, and the second best record in the league, just a game behind the Pistons. If they were to lose tonight, it would be their third in a row. When have these Spurs lost 3 games in a row? This season? Does the preseason count? No? Then not at all.

So I thought I'd seek out the wisdom of the crowds, and see whom they think will win tonight.

Many oddsmakers have Dallas by 2 points, but that doesn't mean they think the Mavs will win. In fact, a 2 point spread is no vote of confidence in the Mavs winning on their home court. Bookmakers hope that a 2 point spread, or now for some a 1-1/2 point spread, will persuade bettors to take a chance on the Spurs, or the Mavericks winning by more than this margin. In other words, they expect gamblers to bet on the Mavericks to win, as long as the spread isn't too big, 'cause, hey, they may not win, and it's probably going to be another close game. Is there wisdom in this crowd? I don't think so. Gambling is business, not prognostication.

What about the press? Much is being made about these two datapoints:

• Since Tim Duncan arrived and led the Spurs to three championships, the Spurs haven't been able to come back when trailing a series after three games. (To this I say, well, there is always a first time for everything, isn't there?)
  
• In NBA history, the team that has won Game 3 in a seven-game series has advanced 75.5 percent of the time. (I say, tell that to the Phoenix Suns, who came back from 3-1 to beat the Lakers in 7 games just two weeks ago.)

What do smart Spurs fans think? What do smart NBA fans think? To find out, I looked at the data in NBA.com's "Drive to the Finals" game. It's an interesting fantasy league that scores for points, rebounds and assists (PRA) and allows you to pick a player just once, so the strategy now is to pick players from teams who you believe will NOT advance. Today's expert pick is Tony Parker.

Dallas is up 2-1, so the Spurs could have just two games remaining. We think they're too good to go down in five, but even if they have three games left, they have three solid players to choose from:

Player PRA R.S. PRA Playoffs PRA vs. DET
Tim Duncan 32.8 35.5 35.6
Manu Ginobili 22.2 23.3 20.7
Tony Parker 28.0 28.1 27.0

After that, there's a serious dropoff.

We're going to save Duncan for sure, so let's take a closer look at Ginobili and Parker. Ginobili has had PRAs of eight (once) and 16 (twice) in these playoffs, so he's a bit of a risk. Parker's lowest output has been 19 and if you're going to go with a Spur over a Cav tonight, you might as well go with the safer pick.

So, it comes down to choosing Ilgauskas, who could be a bust (he's had two PRA outputs of 11 in the playoffs so far), or going with Parker, which could really hurt you down the line if the Spurs come back in this series.

We're taking Parker. Live for today and believe in the Mavs.

And if the Spurs win, then hopefully Tony will put up big numbers and make the pick worth it.

So much for the expert -- what does the leaderboard in the game think? It's hard to tell. I don't know who they picked today, but I can tell you that among the top 10 fantasy managers, three have chosen more Mavs than Spurs, and the opposite is true for three others. The remaining four managers have picked an equal number of players from each team. The most popular selections among the 10 leading managers are Nowitzki (9 out of 10), and Duncan (8 out of 10). As for Spurs fans, they seem to be equally divided.

What does this all mean? Not much, expect that tonight's game should be close, and the series outcome is anyone's guess. We here at SpursDynasty already know the outcome, but don't want to spoil it for our readers.

A brief review of Bramlet's recent performance

I'm appropriately ashamed. But as of today, Bramlet's back, bitches.

The Spurs Will Smash Dallas

The Spurs lost game 2, and it wasn't close.

Watch for the recovery, after several days of rest, to be a fierce rally in this series.

I'm wagering dollars-to-donuts on this one. The Spurs will be well rested and make crucial adjustments, as well as play with a passion that will be terrible for the Mavs to behold.

Seriously. Would you want to face the Spurs in Game 3?

"Spurs Issue Press Release Announcing Their Elimination of Kings"

From The Onion:

SAN ANTONIO—In a move typical of the style that has made them famous league-wide, the San Antonio Spurs issued a brief press release Tuesday concerning their elimination of the Sacramento Kings from the playoffs in six games. "The San Antonio Spurs have advanced past Sacramento to the second round of the playoffs," the 100-word announcement read in part, failing to mention the 22-point margin of victory in Game 6, Tony Parker's career-high 31 points, the fact that any basketball had been played, the Sacramento team's "Kings" nickname, or anything whatsoever that could be seen as emotionally engaging. "The Spurs organization wishes its members well in all future endeavors." While the press release has been received fairly well among most basketball insiders, some are saying the Spurs should have reminded people that this will be their sixth straight year in the semifinals, as many tend to forget about San Antonio's recent success for whatever reason.

M V P

TIM DUNCAN, 8th place, 2006 MVP balloting

(Tony Parker finished 9th... can you feel the dynasty?)

PS The Mavs are finally Dallas again, since they have D. Too bad scoring under 90 puts them in a strong statistical likelihood of losing to the Spurs.

Fried Chicken Fuels Bowen

Even more interesting than the news that Tim Duncan woke up at 6am on Sunday and had one of his best offensive performances of the season, was this bit about Bruce Bowen:

With a little more than two minutes remaining, Bowen took a pass from Parker and buried the go-ahead 3-pointer.

It was the only shot the Spurs made in the last 5:21 and one of only three 3-pointers they hit all game. The Spurs also thought it was fitting: On a day when most of them were fighting fatigue, the winning shot was made by a guy who hasn't missed a game in more than 41/2 seasons.

"He's never tired," Ginobili said. "I don't know how he does it."

After leaving the team's practice facility early Saturday evening, Bowen cooked a large Southern dinner of fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, sweet potatoes and green beans. He was in bed by 11.

Like the rest of the Spurs, Bowen would have preferred to sleep in, to have more time to prepare.

"But in those situations," he said with a shrug, "you just have to forget it and go on."

NEED TO

'We need to finish this series, definitely '' -Tony Parker, after Game 5

SEASON BY THE NUMBERS

- San Antonio ranked first in scoring differential with 6.81 points per game.

- San Antonio ranked second in the league in defense, allowing 88.75 points per game.

- San Antonio ranked second in the league in three-point field goal percentage, 38.5%.

- San Antonio tied for third in the league in field goal percentage, shooting 47.2% from the floor.

- San Antonio ranked third in the league in field goal defense, allowing opponents to shoot 43.3% from the floor.

- San Antonio ranked third in the league in three-point field goal defense, holding opponents to 33.9%.

(In the playoffs, 6 games at this point, Spurs have outscored Sacto by a similar differential and have won more quarters. Sacto is averaging more than the Spurs' regular season opponent average, but doing much worse in 3pt shooting - the Spurs are defending the perimeter well)

REMEMBER THE ALAMODOME

"The only thing you can worry about is winning championships, because that's what you are going to be remembered by." -Bonzi Wells, 2006 playoffs

(By Bonzi Wells' account, and give it up to the man for he is playing better playoff hoops than anyone in the league by virtue of the fact his huge performances are against The Spurs... this dynastic team will be remembered)

MVP = Best player on the best team

I AM IRON MAN

9-12 from the field, 6-7 from the FT line.

9 boards. 5 assists to go with his 24pts.

Make no mistake, Tim Duncan is the best basketball player in the world, and he makes Manu possible.

Big props to Manu of course, who not only had a strong game in scoring, but also got a pair of blocks. The Spurs are headed to the next round soon, and of course the Finals again.

Tim Duncan for MVP.

Eva Graces Cover of Shape

Here is a special gift to all our loyal readers who may be in a funk since our team's losses in Sacramento. Enjoy!