Gold Lamet Belongs To Les Bulléts

Game 16: Spurs 109, Wizards 94

Greetings to all my peeps around the world. Yesterday I got a chance to experience something altogether new, a real life NBA game not involving our San Antonio Spurs. Manolis and I took in a contest between my second and third favorite clubs, the Houston Rockets and our hometown Warriors. The verdict from the cheap seats? I'm not nearly as much of a fan of either of these teams as I like to pretend.

Maybe it was the score. The Dubs won handily 113-94, yet among the trifecta of spectacular match-ups last night, this will go down in the annals as the "competitive game" thanks to the Lakers 127-99 beatdown of the Nugs and the Celtics 104-59 embarrassment over Isiah's Knicks. I guess that no matter how low we perceive New York to have sunk, they'll forever continue to boldly submerge themselves into new depths of humiliation.

Too many water metaphors? Forgive me, I just wrote an article about elephant seals. My journalism career is such a sham. All I ever do is tell people to eat at this restaurant, frequent that business, visit this city, and try this product. Kissing Manu Ginobili's ass seems, on the whole, much more respectable.

Where was I? Oh right, Houston-Golden State thriller at the Oracle Arena. I got a brisket sandwich, small nachos, peanuts, and a 20 oz Diet Pepsi. That'll be $24, please. You gotta love the bay area. The Rockets had nothing last night. They blew their wad the night before against the bitchass Suns, and there's no way Yao's got the juice to drag his lumbering ass 94 feet back and forth to dominate two run-N'-gun teams in twenty four hours. Freakin' Al Harrington, heretofore most famous for having the most absurd scalp-wrinkledge in the NBA, dominated the large Asian on both ends of the floor, easily denying him the ball despite being at a nine inch disadvantage in height and 65 pound disadvantage in girth. Why couldn't Yao seal (the magic word again)the fronter to one side and then have the team reverse the ball to him on the other side for an easy dunk, time and again? Such a maneuver would require competent point guard play, I'm afraid.

Huggybear wouldn't let himself get fronted like a punk against the defense-challenged Warriors.
(Photo by D. Clarke Evans/NBAE via Getty Images)
Yao's struggles aside, what was T-Mac's excuse for sucking? It's not May yet, as far as I'm aware. Back bothering him again? The elbow? Cervical cramps? C'mon Tracy, crazy ass Stephen Jackson is physical, but he's not good enough to shut down the likes of you. The highlight of my night was seeing this Warriors fan a few rows in front of me hold up his hand made sign, designed to look like a movie poster, of McGrady with a big goofy grin on his face and wearing a dorky sweater, with the caption, "Tracy McGrady in 'The Second Round Virgin.'"

Anyway, I've learned my lesson and yes, my next Warriors game will once again involve our beloved Spurs. Then again, it would be fun to watch these guys beat Dallas sometime.

Speaking of the Spurs...I'm stalling again. Now that Agent Zero is hurt, I can't think of anything interesting to write about the Washington Wizards. The whole game went as scripted no? Tony is playing like the best point guard in the league these days (a sentence I never thought I'd be typing) and Opus and The Golden God aren't far behind in their respective positions either. The bitchslapping laid down by Beno and the rest of the regulars of the Mos Eisley Cantina at Tatooine was enough to jar our guys a bit from their defensive slumber and we actually put forth a serviceable effort against Washington's solid gold dancers.

At casual glance Antonio Daniels looks like a much better athlete than Monsieur Parker, yet The Wee Rapping Frenchman is always the one finishing at the cup while the Grizzles bust of a #4 overall pick has been mostly an observer throughout his journeyman career.
(Photo by D. Clarke Evans/NBAE via Getty Images)
Actually, that reminds me. The Wizards' new uniforms annoy me. They make no sense. How are wizards black and gold? You know what's two-toned and primarily gold? Bullets. When they were the Bullets they wore the colors of the United States (okay, in a morbid way, I concede that makes sense) but now that they're the Wizards, they look like bullets? Huh?



Bullets.....................................................................Bullets.



Wizard.........................................................Wizard (sort of).
(Basketball Photo by D. Clarke Evans/NBAE via Getty Images)
You see? The wizards shouldn't be gold and black. They should be purple and white and come out on the court in flowing robes and intimidating white beards (an idea Arenas would totally embrace). Either change the look or go back to calling yourselves the Bullets. That's all I ask.

Another thing that's bothering me: Francisco Elson's name. Elson doesn't sound overly Dutch to me. Look at the names of the Dutch national soccer team's roster. Giovanni van Bronckhorst. Rafael van der Vaart. Ruud van Nistelrooy. Say them out loud to yourself, placing emphasis on the surnames. They sound so manly, so virile, so unmistakably Dutch. Then say Francisco Elson. It sounds so soft and flaccid. Is it any wonder the guy makes so many mental errors every game and routinely gets taken to school by far inferior athletes?

Therefore, henceforth I dub thee Francisco van Hoojdunk. Say it with me. van Hoojdunk! van HOOJDUNK! Fran-CIS-coh van Hooooooooj-duuuuhnk! It rolls right off the tongue and could totally pass for Dutch, no?

Finally, we must take a moment to celebrate a historic occasion. The Sickness had his first multi-dunk game of the season and unless I'm mistaken (I'm never mistaken) the last time that happened was Game 7 of the '04-05 Finals against the Pistons. By my count that's already seven spikes for Opus with the season a tick shy of being 20% completed. Not quite the 50 dunk pace I was hoping for, but much springier than the past couple seasons, for sure. Youtubers the world over can now find mixes more recent than Opus mangy-haired days like this one. The second dunk was particularly nice as he split a double team before finishing.

Not just a fancy passer these days, folks.
(Photo by D. Clarke Evans/NBAE via Getty Images)
Your 3 Stars...

3. Manu Ginobili - See above.
2. Bruce Bowen - Was outscored by red hot Caron Butler only four points, 16 to 12, and he held the Wizards' now main man to only nine shot attempts in 38 minutes. "He's on a tear right now," Bowen said of Butler. "So the best way I think to try to stop those kind of guys is to elbow them repeatedly in the groin deny them the ball as much as possible."
1. Tony Parker - 29-8-11! Great googly moogly. Christ, do that against the Mavs already. (I'm so unfair to him.)

Record: 13-3
Up Next: @ Minnesota Timberwolves
Hold on, let me get this straight... so they don't have Garnett anymore? Huh, I watched the whole game and didn't notice a difference.

Ze Revenge of ze Bean Burrito

Maybe my most irresponsible column ever.

Two Great Champions Keep Winning... Unfortunately

Game 14: Spurs 116, Supersonics 101


Yes, I know, I know I said I wouldn't mention soccer anymore until next week, but this is insane. They announced the qualification groups for the 2010 World Cup in South Africa last Sunday (let me ruin the suspense for you now, Brazil is gonna win it - in fact they'll win the next two) and Manolis and I got whole new fresh batch of nations to despise for no rational reason. Greece's group is a joke. All they've got standing in their way is Israel and Switzerland, it's pathetic. I've already congratulated him on qualifying for the Cup.

Turkey's group is somewhat tougher. Since they weren't a top-seeded team like Greece, they had to deal with a heavy, and that heavy is the swarthy Spanish. The Iberians have a rich and proud history of choking in big tournaments, but unlike England, they at least manage to qualify for them before gagging. We also have to deal with Belgium, birthplace of The Wee Rapping Frenchman, and all I know about them is that I have an aunt-in-law from there and the people love to dip their fries into mayonnaise, which is disgusting. It appears we'll finish in second and be sent into the home-and-home playoff round with some other second place team. I'm hoping for a rematch with the bastard Swiss.

Anyway, the teams at the top of our group are not why I'm outraged. Rather, it's by the team on the bottom. Armenia. Freaking Armenia! When history teachers, living under the surface of the radioactive Earth a hundred years from now, teach their pupils about the Great War that ended everything, they'll let out a melancholy sigh and begin their lectures, "It all started with a soccer game between two nations called Turkey and Armenia..."

Seriously, this might be the single stupidest idea in the sporting world in the past 25 years. Stupider than creating not one but two major league baseball teams to play in Florida, stupider than the NHL's TV deal with Vs., even stupider than giving Monday Night Football to ESPN. The word hate gets thrown around a lot in life as hyperbole, but trust me when I tell you, Turkey and Armenia hate one another.

I'm not going to get into the long history of it, but it basically boils down to this: Armenia claims that Turkey staged a mass genocide against them in 1915, during WWI, back when Turkey was the Ottoman Empire. To this day, Turkey claims this wasn't the case and whoever was killed were casualties of war. Historians and journalists debate the issue all the time and while the majority agree with the Armenian view, not all do. One of the major reasons Turkey has not been accepted into the European Union is because they refuse to acknowledge that they committed this act and the Turkish government simply and continually asks the EU, the U.N. and the Armenian government to show some concrete proof.

Obviously, you know which side I stand on. I'm biased. I'm open minded enough that I can be convinced we did it, but my mom has sent me articles (from non-Turkish scholars) saying we didn't. Either way, to be honest with you, I don't care much one way or the other. It was a century ago and my family wasn't involved. What I do know is I went to a high school with 70 Armenians and they threatened me verbally and physically constantly. Their parents taught them to hate Turks, even though we're all supposedly Americans now. So yeah, I'm emotional about it and prejudiced. I wouldn't say I hate Armenians - I'm not going to hate anyone I've never met- but I'm realistic enough to understand that me and an Armenian person probably won't become friends once I tell him/her that I'm Turkish (my last name doesn't give it away whereas all Armenian last names end in -ian or -yan).

So, given all that information, you can understand why it's a TERRIBLE idea for these two countries to play two soccer games - one in each nation - against each other. Generally, if two countries never play a "friendly" vs. one another, then you can expect trouble when they are paired up in a meaningful game. I'm not worried about the athletes at all. They're usually the most sane people in events like this. But I am concerned like hell about the "fans" both theirs and ours. Our fans have a checkered history of rioting and shameful behavior against countries we don't have any history with, so a World Cup Qualifier against the Armenians seems like a lock for all kinds of trouble and punishment from FIFA.

I know the draw is supposed to be random, but FIFA should realize their error in this case, nip it in the bud and switch Armenia with some other 5th seeded team like Azerbaijan or Kazakhstan. Or at least have the good sense to schedule both games with Armenia in a neutral site and an empty stadium, a ploy soccer uses sometimes to punish teams with unruly fans (our first three "home" Euro 2008 qualifiers were played this way as a penalty for how our crowd acted in a World Cup 2006 qualifier with Switzerland). Either way something must be done, because, and I can't emphasize this enough, this is a VERY BAD IDEA.

Speaking of bad ideas, I gambled on football again. I bet $25 on the Browns straight up -3 against the Texans (woohoo!) and wagered $50 on a teaser parlay for the Giants -1 against the Vikings, and the Cardinals -4.5 against the 49ers. Well, I certainly didn't get cheated on it, as both teams lost and lost handily. I'm a dummy. So of course, when Manolis called me from Reno (he went the whole week with his family) right before the Eagles-Patriots game was about to start, I told him to put $25 on the Spurs, -9.5. Surely the hapless Sonics, who hadn't won a home game all year to that point, weren't going to give us a game, right?

But first, the football game. I was working at the bar, and it was as dead there as ever, but naturally this Patriots-loving couple were there. The wife was quiet and normal enough (though she was very homely looking, to be kind). The husband though... oh my God. I'm not kidding, I think he may have been mentally disabled. First off, he had an unhealthy obsession with linebacker Tedy Bruschi, to the point where it makes me and Manu look perfectly normal. Every play in the game he's yelling for Bruschi to take somebody's head off. And I do mean yelling. The guy was SCREAMING!

The guy kept bugging me to wager with him, even though we both knew his team was great and my team was very mediocre. Hell, we didn't even have our starting quarterback playing. Still, to humor him we made a pair of gentlemen bets. $5 that the Eagles wouldn't turn it over in the 1st quarter and the Eagles +15 for the half.

Picture me after the 3rd play of the game when A.J. Feeley throws a pick six to Asante Samuel. Grumpy would've been an understatement. Lo and behold, the Eagles marched right down the field and scored the next time they had the ball. I may have celebrated a little too enthusiastically, doing a jig right in front of the guy's table, but come on, this was the 11-0 Pats, the most arrogant, unsportsmanlike team in all of sports. And we were tied!

To everyone's shock the score went back and forth all game long. They never blew us out, they never led by more than the seven they started the game with, and Philly even held brief leads of their own at 21-17 and 28-24. The game was there to be had for the biggest NFL upset of all time but two plays doomed the Eagles. First, with that 28-24 lead the Philly defense was about to force an ultra-rare New England punt. For the first time all day they would have the lead and the ball. But on the punt some idiot fat fuck nosetackle was off sides on the snap and 4th & 3 turned into 1st down for New England. They scored the go ahead touchdown to make it 31-28 soon after.

Second, on the ensuing series Feeley was once again leading his offense down the field and the Eagles were around New England's 25 yard line easily within kicker David Akers' field goal range to tie the game. There was a little over three minutes to go and they were facing a 2nd and 5 and instead of hitting a wide open L.J. Smith for the first down that would have kept both the chains and the clock moving, Feeley foolishly gambled and went for the big score, badly overthrowing intended receiver Kevin Curtis who was blanketed anyway, and lofting the ball into the hands of Samuel again for a second interception that salted away the game.

It was a heartbreaking loss, and what made it worse was that this idiot Bruschi fan was yelling after every play, calling for an Eagles penalty all the time, exaggeratingly gesturing for first downs, just being an obnoxious twit. His team was 11-0, and he was still acting like a spoiled baby, begging for breaks like his team was the huge underdog. He wanted the Pats to go for it every 4th down, no matter the down or distance and who could blame him? They a) have the best QB in the game b) have the best receivers and c) their dickhead coach usually does go for it, even with 35 point leads. They break every rule of decorum in the game and throw every stinking play. Worse still, their coach manages to brainwash their players, media, and fans into thinking that nobody respects them and that the only way to earn respect is to humiliate teams 54-0 every week, sportsmanship be damned. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them. And I do mean it. I HATE them.

I hate you.

You know what I love? The Spurs. And while my blood was boiling with the venom I have for New England, San Antonio was playing in the Emerald City against ex-assistant coach P.J. Carlesimo. Unfortunately while I was enraptured by a football game that wasn't a blowout, I was less than enthused about the basketball game that was, to my frustration, just as competitive, tied at positively absurd score of 64 apiece. I was obviously to preoccupied by the Iggles to catch most of the game live, but what I was seeing was certainly agitating. What the hell has happened to our defense?

With the young Sonics you can understand. Their savior is a 19 year-old toothpick. Their power forward, Chris Wilcox, can jump out of the gym, but is even less interested in defense than Sore Testicles Aching Terribly Stoudemire. Their point guard combo is the craptastic duo of Earl Watson and Delonte West, who looks more like some P.O.W. refugee than an NBA player at this point, his body is so bruised an inked up. Plus his skin just has this unnatural shade to it, I'm sorry. I don't know if it's scurvy or jaundice or what, but something ain't right with that dude. I can't possibly be the only one to think it.

I feel bad for P.J., I really do. It took five long years for him to get another coaching gig after his infamous run in with Sprewell, so it's probably going to be a while before he feels comfortable screaming, "Put some more mustard on that pass" to another over-hyped young star who has the phone number for every gold digging slut in the greater Seattle metropolitan area in his Blackberry already but probably not the coach's.

That's the thing about the NBA. It's a player's league to such an extent that outside of five or six guys, the rest of the coaches are all completely nut-less, walking on egg shells the whole time, wary of upsetting their meal tickets. Once these guys get fired the first time, they're never the same. They're so desperate for the job the second or third time around, they become shadows of themselves, coddling their stars, eschewing all of their principles about the game, acting like hypocrites and bereft of integrity.

We saw it happen to Eric Musselman last year in Sacramento, didn't we? Musselman was an up-and-coming young coach with the Warriors and even had them on the brink of making the playoffs for a couple of seasons. He was no nonsense and he demanded that his guys play defense, no matter how many they could score on the other end. Frequently he would bench his starting backcourt of Jason Richardson and Gilbert Arenas in the 4th quarters of tight games for Earl Boykins and Bob Sura. Sure it sounds crazy now, but I'm telling you that the move worked back then. Of course, the stars of the team staged a mutiny and Musselman was fired. When Musselman got his second chance in Sacramento last year, his coaching style was unrecognizable. He was a nice guy all of a sudden - too nice - and defense was a taboo word around Sacramento. He never yelled, he never screamed, he never demanded anything of his players, and he got canned again, this time for good probably, after just one season. Supposedly the Maloof brothers were concerned with his public image after getting a DUI. Of course he drank, the guy probably couldn't even look himself in the mirror anymore.

Also, Warriors fans will remember the brief reign of Mike Montgomery, the ex-Stanford coach. Sure, everybody loves Baron Davis now, and people look at him and Nellie as the saviors of the Warriors franchise, but people forget that Davis was the one who ushered Montgomery out of town, playing listlessly on both ends of the floor, giving no effort on defense, chucking up wild threes whenever he felt like it. Remember, the only reason Davis was traded to the W's in the first place was his diva-like behavior in Charlotte. He basically told Warriors GM Chris Mullin to get him a professional NBA coach, not a college guy or that he'd be leaving as a free agent. The rest, as they say, is history. Now the guy could be mayor of Oakland if he wanted.

So will P.J. in Seattle become same pathetic patsy like Musselman, Montgomery and countless others in the league? Will he become a de-fanged enabler for Kevin Durant, perfectly willing to ignore and/or excuse all of his 9-of-23, 3 rebounds, 1 assist, 5 turnovers- nights and heaping blame for the mounting losses on the lesser players? He's stuck in a lame duck city, with incompetent ownership and few long term building blocks. Sure, his GM might be a whiz kid, but he's going to have to learn on the fly as well. Just because Carlesimo learned all kinds of lessons on how to deal with players from Pop, it doesn't mean he can apply those lessons to his charges. Guys like Tim Duncan as coachable as he is talented, don't come around very often. Furthermore, even Pop makes mistakes (r.e. Beno Udrih) and who's to say that so much of the Spurs' success wasn't just dumb luck for discovering Manu and Tony?

I sincerely hope that P.J. is able to stay honest and true to himself, but early indications aren't really promising.

It was, shall we say, unfortunate, that the last thing Pop saw on the Jumbotron before P.J. came over for a pregame hug was that Beyonce DirecTV commercial.
(AP Photo/Ted S. Warren)

Anywho, enough about Seattle. What about us? Are any of you surprised at the defensive slippage? You certainly shouldn't be. I warned you about it here. We're knee deep in Lakeritis mode right now, my friends. Defense isn't easy, nor is it glamorous. It's just something teams have to do if they're serious about winning championships. Just ask Dallas or Phoenix. For the past two weeks, we've been cruising on defense, winning games with our scoring alone. It's fun to watch, we'll get 56 wins out of it, and maybe Manu and Tony will put up career-best stats, but we won't win another ring playing this way. In fact, Dallas or Houston will bounce our asses out of the playoffs in five games playing this way.

It's the little things on defense. We're not fighting through picks. We're letting guys get to the basket too easily. We're not making the hustle plays, not communicating, allowing way too many open twos. Maybe teams are just shooting better, I don't know. But Tim isn't dominating inside (just like at this point last year) the way we're used to seeing him. Tony is letting opposing points get whatever they want; really disappointing in light of his superior efforts last playoffs against the likes of AI, Nash, and Barbosa. Manu's steals and blocks have ceased almost completely and he seems to be floating back there, content to hide on the weak side and giving token effort. It looked like he was surprised as the rest of us that Pop put him on Durant for an extended stretch and the rookie made him look bad on several occasions. Yeah, Durant has four inches and arms that seem to go the length of the court, but still, Manu didn't put up much resistance.

Paging Bruce Bowen. Mr. Bruce Bowen please answer the white courtesy phone.
(AP Photo/Ted S. Warren)

Even Bruce Bowen is guilty, and for him that's particularly sinful since defense is the only reason he's even on the floor. Wally World flat out embarrassed Bruce in the 2nd quarter, scoring 20 points on a variety of jumpers, some coming off screens, others of his own creation. I can't believe I didn't notice it before, but Szczerbiak is a dead ringer for Zachary Quinto aka "Sylar" of Heroes. Sylar's power, as some of you may know, is to steal the powers of other special people by cutting their heads open. Nobody has abused Bruce this badly since Adam Morrison torched him in their first meeting last year. Come to think of it, has anyone seen Morrison lately?

My...name...is...WALLY!
(AP Photo/Ted S. Warren)
I think putting Manu on Sylar and Bruce on Durant would've made more sense, but that's just me, I guess. Anyway, a major reason we were able to run away a bit in that second half is that P.J. and the Sonics didn't try very hard to get Wally World open in the 2nd half. Yes, maybe Bruce was just that masterful and worked really hard to deny him the ball, but I don't think anybody can turn their night around that dramatically from one half to another. Szczerbiak made both of the shots he attempted in half number two and you've got to think that he could've buried a few more, as hot as he was, if he even got a crack of an opening. Hell, P.J. erred just waiting until 5:33 remained in the 3rd quarter to bring him in. What the heck was he waiting for? Damien Wilkins was doing nothing. And for most of Wally's second half stint, Durant was chained to the bench. The whole reason they were lighting us up was because both were on the floor at once!

Outside of that we prevailed mainly because we sank seven more three pointers (11-19, 57%) and eight more free throws. That's pretty much it. Our big three combined for 70 points, shooting a collective 27-of-51 and 12-of-12 from the line. Bonner, Barry, and Fin combined for seven bombs and the team made 23-of-24 freebies. The guys were having a lot of fun playing offense, passing the ball beautifully, getting backdoor lay-ups and dunks, and their energy level was noticeably higher when they had the ball. It's enjoyable to watch in November, but like Pop says, it's not "who we are."

At least, I hope not.














Their power forward dunks better than our power forward.
(Photo by Terrence Vaccaro/NBAE via Getty Images)



So while I was agonizing over the Eagles, I was also on pins and needles on my Spurs bet, as their lead was fluctuating between six and ten the whole fourth quarter. Bonner, of all people, made the critical plays late, first feeding Timmy for a lay-up, then stealing the ball from Wilcox and hitting two from the line to push the margin to double digits for good. The refugee came through for me by missing two freebies of his own and then Opus got fouled and made his and I could breathe a bit. After all that gambling, I broke even for the day. Frankly, I would've gladly eaten the $25, taken a seven point Spurs win, if only the Iggles could've toppled Goliath. Alas.

One last random note: Gino, despite exerting no energy whatsoever without the ball, finished a game best +15. He is now the league leader at +165 through 14 games. He's on pace for a +966 season. Timmy led the league in +/- last year at + 760. Second place was Dirk, at +626. Manu's doing it averaging 29 minutes a night. That works out to a pace of +.406 per minute. Last year Duncan led the league (Opus was third) in that category as well at +.278 a minute. This leads to two conclusions: 1) Timmy was robbed in the MVP voting last year and 2) Manu right now is the biggest difference maker in the NBA.

I think the thrill we get for every Manu dunk is because he always makes them look so difficult, like they sap so much energy out of him. For Durant dunking a basketball is probably easier than breathing, and just as involuntary.
(AP Photo/Ted S. Warren)

Your 3 Stars...

3. Jacque Vaughn - 1 point on 0-1 from the field, 1-2 from the line, 3 assists, and a +13 in 12 minutes. The perfect Vaughn statline.
2. Tim Duncan - Battled inside for 26 points, made all four of his freebies, had three assists, three offensive boards, and two blocks.
1. Matt Bonner - 12 and 6 in 23 minutes and he actually came to play at both ends. Welcome back Red Rocket.

Record: 12-2 (Franchise best start)
Up Next: @ Sacramento Kings
The Wrath of Beno.

A Thrilling Look Back at the Barn Burner That Was Spurs-Grizzlies

I am incapable of writing brief recaps.

Duncan Back to Forward on All-Star Ballot

I'm glad that the powers that be at the NBA pulled their collective head out and moved Tim Duncan from center to forward, back where he belongs on the all-star ballot. In all likelihood, Timmie should get his ninth consecutive start. Like Pop said:

"It's great that they did that, though, it makes total sense and we're thrilled that they made that change. That's what he's been, he's been that way [a power forward] for 10 years. There's no reason to change it."

In addition to Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili, Tony Parker, Bruce Bowen and Michael Finley are also on the All-Star ballot. Let's see if we can't get three or four Spurs on the Western Conference team this year.

Vote early and vote often.

In Tinyball We Trust

Game 12: Spurs 128, Magic 110

First, quick bit of business. Just in case you care (and odds are strong that you don't) here is the relevant Youtube soccer clip. Okay there, I won't mention EURO 2008 again until the group draws are announced on December 2, I promise.

Sorry it's taken so long for me to post about what was unquestionably our most fun to watch game of the year, but between working a lot on the weekend, my NCAA '08 addiction and a severe case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, it's been difficult. So, before we get to the fun stuff, let me give you a peek into my depraved mind just so you can all collectively mumble to yourselves, "There but for the grace of God..."

You see, some time after the game I was over at SpursTalk (alwaysalwaysalways a mistake) and I happened upon a thread entitled, "Game Thoughts: Spurs at Magic Nov. 21" by the one and only TimVP aka Mr. Kori Ellis. He does basically what I do here, except it's not funny, entertaining, or accurate. To his credit, at least it's timely and not like written haphazardly four days later, but I digress.

Anyway, in his account of the game, Mr. Ellis wrote, "This was a classic Bruce Bowen game. In the first half, Bowen is put on Rashard Lewis and shuts him down (Lewis was scoreless other than a layup with 12 seconds to go in the first half when Bowen was out of the game). In the first half, Hedo Turkoglu was 6-for-7 with 16 points. Pop switched Bowen onto Turkoglu in the second half and Turkoglu goes 3-for-11 in the second half, while Lewis goes 4-for-7 in the second half without Bowen on him. It was a very good night defensively for Bowen and it really illustrated how great of a defender he is. It’s beyond scary to think of the day when the Spurs don’t have Bowen."

Our special Turkish aroma makes us practically unguardable.
(Photo by D. Clarke Evans/NBAE via Getty Images)
Now I like to think I pay more attention to the games I'm watching than the average basketball fan. And I was pretty sure that Bruce was guarding the Turk from the beginning, not just the second half. So I re-watched the game. And charted it. Possession by god forsaken possession.

Why? For you people. I do it for you.

Hedo points: 9/18 2/6 3pts, 6/7 FT 26 pts, 5 assists

Vs. Bruce 3/7, 0/2 3pts, 3/4 FT, 9 pts, 3 assists, 1 turnover

Vs. Finley 1/2, 1/2 3pts, 2/2 FT, 5 pts
Vs. Oberto 2/2, 1/1 FT, 5 pts
Vs. Manu 2/3, 4 pts, 1 assist
Vs. Udoka, 1/1, 1/1 3pts, 3 pts
Vs. Duncan 0/1, 0 pts
Vs. Barry 0/1, 0 pts
Vs. ?, 0/1, 0/1 3pts, 0 pts
Vs. Tony 0/0, 0 pts, 1 assist

Bowen Vs. Other People

Vs. Bogans 1/1, 1/1 3pts, 3 pts, 1 possession
Vs. Nelson, 1/1, 1/1 3pts, 3pts, 2 possessions, 1 no shot
Vs. Lewis 1/2, 2pts, 10 possessions, 7 no shots, 1 switch
Vs. Howard 1/1, 2 pts, 3 possessions, 1 turnover, 1 no shot
Vs. Arroyo 0/0, 1 possession, 1 no shot

Possessions Vs. Hedo

Bowen: 45 Possessions, 7 FGA, 3 fouls, 3 assists, 1 turnover, 8 switches, 23 no shots
Manu: 18 Possessions, 3 FGA, 1 assist, 1 foul, 1 switch, 12 no shots
Finley: 4 Possessions, 2 FGA, 1 foul, 1 no shot
Udoka: 3 Possessions, 1 GA, 2 no shots
Barry: 3 Possessions, 1 FGA, 2 no shots
Oberto: 2 Possessions, 2 FGA, 1 foul
Duncan: 2 Possessions, 1 FGA (block), 1 no shot
Tony: 2 Possessions, 1 assist, 1 no shot
Vaughn: 1 possession, 1 no shot

Just to clear up any questions, a "no shot" is when a player literally does nothing on a possession. He doesn't record a shot attempt or an assist. Often, particularly in Hedo's case, he doesn't even touch the ball, as Jameer Nelson and Dwight Howard were pick-and-rolling us to death. A switch is when a screen or some zone rotation makes a player go from guarding one player to another. In this case I credited both guys with having had a defensive "possession" against Hedo. The guy who had him first got a "switch" and the guy who had him second got the net result of the play.

I didn't paste the possession-by-possession chart here because it would've been too long, but trust me when I tell you that my initial instincts were confirmed. Bruce did indeed start the game on Hedo and was quite poor, giving up a pair of lay-ups and a couple of easy assists. Whenever the Magic bothered to set a screen for Hedo, disaster soon followed, as neither Fab-O or Findog could do anything with him. Bruce also was late on closing out on three pointers by Keith Bogans and Nelson. Overall he started off guarding Turkoglu on 45 possessions, vs. just 10 for Rashard Lewis.

That shouldn't mean, mind you, that Opus was any more effective, Hedo blew by him for one lay-up, had plenty of room for a top of the key jumper he swished, and lost Gino on a pick-and-roll for an uncontested 18-footer from the left that he clanked. In fact, Turkoglu's 9-of-18 shooting night is incredibly misleading as it could've just as easily been 15-of-18. He missed a couple of bunny lay-ups, and most of his other bricks were wide open as well. We really didn't do a thing to stop him and we certainly didn't deny him the ball. Often times the Magic simply ran a two man offense and both Turkoglu and Lewis were content to stand out in the perimeter and look for exposed cleavage.

It's okay to admit Bruce had a bad night, TimVP. It happens to everybody. Sure, it may happen to you particularly often, but hey, the world would be a boring place if we were all the same. All we need to know about what Pop thought of Bowen's effectiveness, on the odd occasion the Madge bothered to go at him, was that he took Bruce out of the game for good with 8:41 to go and the score at 101-95 for the good guys, and we promptly blew Orlando's doors off with a closing 27-15 spurt. Oh, and Bruce was a team worst -5 on the night.

Okay, now that that bit of ugly business is behind us, let's get to the good stuff. Immediately I knew we were in for a fun night because for some reason, Matt Bonner was allowed to address the crowd before the game, probably to warn them about the dangers of drinking and driving before the Thanksgiving holiday or who knows what. Apparently, his speech took a detour and I'm not sure what he said exactly, maybe he told everyone to boo Pop until he gets some playing time, but it sure did get a reaction from the bench.


What a group of dour, miserable bastards. Actually, if you look at the picture carefully, you'll see Bones privately seething that someone else on the team can be publicly funny. You'd have to be a Spurs fanatic to notice or understand this stuff...
(Photo by D. Clarke Evans/NBAE via Getty Images)
And Pop responded by giving him a DNP-CD. Classic.

Anyway, Pop started the game with his regular line-up, going big with Timmeh and Fab, but against an Orlando club that trots out basically two small forwards in Turkoglu and Lewis, that tactic was quickly discarded in favor of Tinyball. Basically, we had to do it. Even I, the world's biggest tinyball critic, concede that against this club, we have little choice. None of our bigs can remotely guard one of their forwards (then again, going by the above chart, our smalls couldn't either). And neither Frankie or Fab are talented enough offensively to exploit the match-up at the other end. Howard is going to always guard the post guy, regardless of whether it's Tim or our centers, and Duncan's not going being used properly shooting 15-footers against Turkoglu all night.

Matt Bonner would've been an option, except he a) can't guard anybody either b) isn't playing well right now and c) his playing would've probably come at Brent's expense. Barry has become sort of the Spurs designated Tinyball specialist and the majority of his playing time comes in this fashion.

Defensively we were a mess all night. Orlando shot 56% from the field and 50% (10-20) from downtown. A little bit of it was just nice shooting from them. A lot of it was terrible effort from us, as there was often considerable distance between their shooters and the closest "defender."

The only reason we won is because we put up 18 more shots, thanks mainly to six more offensive rebounds and eight less turnovers.

Unfortunately, we don't even have the "packing the lane" excuse either because Howard got 7! dunks according to the official play-by-play, and they might have missed a couple. He's simply too big and strong for Tim or anyone else to be remotely capable of guarding him and outside of doubling him every time down, you're looking at a guaranteed high percentage shot every time they throw it in to him. He's basically a young Shaq but with a slightly better free throw stroke and the good sense to not open his mouth except when eating. Sure, Orlando wildly overpaid for Lewis, but they may have stumbled into the best frontcourt in the NBA.

Not even the ol' "Stick your hand up his ass the next time he jumps" ploy could stop Howard from slamming it on us. Oddly, it only made him want to dunk more...
(Photo by D. Clarke Evans/NBAE via Getty Images)
Is Orlando the prohibitive favorite to come out of the East? I'm not sure. Their point guard is woefully inconsistent, but so is the Celtics' Rajon Rando. Really the Eastern conference is pretty young at that position in general, so outside of a meeting with the Pistons, the Magic are okay there. Still, you get the sense the coaching staff doesn't fully trust Nelson yet, as he's only playing 31 minutes a night. A bigger concern is Orlando's bench, or lack thereof. Like other perimeter Dukies before him, J.J. "The Best Shooter in Basketball History" Redick is a joke. 0 of 1 from the field and a -12 in 4 minutes against the Spurs. ::giggles:: Brian Cook and James Augistine have some size, but the former is soft and the latter is a rook. Adonal Foyle is a decent defensive center, like the Mavs' Diop, but it's 4-on-5 at the other end with him. Maurice Evans could provide some defense and size as a swingman, but we'll have to see.

Already it seems as if the LEastern Conference is down to four clubs, realistically. Orlando, Boston, Detroit, and I'll throw in Toronto because of their firepower and point guard play. I like the Madge's chance against the Celtics, they match-up with them really well, but I'm not so wild about them against the Pistons. Against T-Dot, it's a toss up, a free-for-all every game that would make Golden State vs. Phoenix blush. I worry that the media hard-on for Boston will make it tough for this club, or any other outside of Cleveland to get its share of calls when they meet the Celtics in the playoffs. I will say this much for Orlando though - they have a gigantic edge over everyone else in the conference tactically, thanks to Coach Hedgehog.

Hey ref! You call one more offensive foul against my guys and I will come over there and beat you to death with my gigantic penis. Right here, in front of everybody, I'll do it!
(Photo by D. Clarke Evans/NBAE via Getty Images)
Offensively, what can I say? Numbers don't begin to do the game justice, but I'll throw some out anyway. 51.6% from the field, 13-of-24 (54.2%) from deep, and a franchise record 3 turnovers. And this was on a segababa after the team flew home from Atlanta for crying out loud, not exactly a 40 minute puddle jumper. We had 30 assists on our 48 field goals and many were of the spectacular variety. The non-spoken communication between Tim, Manu, Tony, Fab and the fifth Beatle (Bruce/Brent/Fin) is bordering on the spooky right now.

Just when I thought he'd peaked, Tony has raised his game to yet another level. He's clearly playing better now than at any point last season, including the playoffs, because finally he's developed a passing court sense to go with his unparalleled ability to create lay-ups for himself. He's not wasting nearly as many possessions as he used to, he knows how to get to wherever he wants to go on the court, and he's reading defenses much better than he ever has in the past and even setting them up when the mood strikes him. Opposing teams are so petrified by his ability to penetrate that the Spurs have more wide open shooters than ever. Too bad such a thing is too complex to ever keep track of (though lord knows I'd try) but I'm willing to bet we lead the league in uncontested shots.

If you think he penetrates the lane easily, just wait a couple years until the sex tape with the missus surfaces.
(AP Photo/Eric Gay)
Still, our most unappreciated and underrated player is Oberto, by a mile. I can't stress enough that outside of being 6'10" the guy has NO PHYSICAL ABILITY. Athletically he has zero business of being in the NBA. But he has a near genius-level basketball I.Q., at least on the offensive end of the floor, and he gets the most of what little he has, getting open off screens, tracking down offensive rebounds and most impressively with his clever passes to Timmeh in the high-low game. It's really a perfect marriage, him and the Spurs, because I can't think of another system where he'd have even middling success. There are other unselfish clubs out there, but the Suns and Warriors play too fast for him and I don't think he'd mesh well with the L'il General in Dallas or Jerry Sloan in Utah. Toronto maybe, but I doubt Sam Mitchell would ever be smart enough to play him. Hell, it took Pop a year and a half...

Finally, even though it likely means more Tinyball frustration in the future, I'm overjoyed to see my third favorite player, Bones Barry, back on the court and contributing. The Spurs are just more fun to watch when he's out there doing useless idiosyncratic Brent Barry things, like turning around and giving their bench a wink after his fifth bomb of the night. I think our best highlight line-up would be TWRP-Opus-Bones-Timmeh-Fab-O, but Pop never uses it because Pop hates me. I am hopeful that no matter how well Brent plays and how poorly Fin does (3-of-13, lovely) that coach won't change a thing there. Don't fix what isn't broken. The least damage Finley can do to our roster is by playing the first six minutes of a half with the other starters.

Let's see you do that, you hilarious ginger fuck.
(AP Photo/Eric Gay)
Anyway, that's it. It was a tight game for three quarters, but eventually we boatraced one of the two or three top teams in the East 128-110. Just remember, the Spurs are drab, boring,and play an unattractive brand of basketball. Somehow, someway, I'll try to pry my eyes open through another 92 or so of their games this year. I'm a masochist, I guess.


Your 3 Stars
(You know both he and the team is playing well when Manu puts up 27-4-5 including a four point play and a three point play on back-to-back possessions and I don't mention it. Except I just mentioned it. Eh, screw him, he didn't deserve the 3rd star I gave him the night before in Atlanta...)

3. Tim Duncan - He started off slowly on the scoreboard and couldn't do much defensively against Howard, but he played progressively better as the night wore on and showed the youngster a couple of things in the fourth. Mostly he gets the nod for a season high 16 boards when he played the majority of the game as the only big, and five assists.

2. Brent Barry - 7 of 8 from the field, 5 of 6 from downtown. Good thing we rested him for this one by giving him a DNP in Atlanta because without him we were sunk tonight. I wonder if maybe the guys and the coaching staff could overlaugh at Matt Bonner's jokes the rest of the year and if maybe Jeff McDonald were to cobble together a poorly-written feature on Bonner as the resident team cut-up, what kind of numbers a seething Bones Barry could put up the rest of the way. Hell, he might dunk from the free throw line again.

1. Tony Parker - We really should have three All-Stars this year. Other teams get three with significantly less post season accomplishments. Isn't it time we get three?


Record: 10-2
Up Next: Vs. Memphis Grizzlies
Expect a much shorter recap because the Grizzles are going nowhere.

Tony Parker Is Considerably Better Than Anthony Johnson, and Other Thoughtful Observations

Spurs/Hawks and more soccer analysis than you can handle. You pussy.

I Can't Believe We Won That Game!

Game 10: Spurs 90, Rockets 84

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. We won. When it looked like all hope was lost and we would choke once again, we won. I didn't think it was possible, the team was looking so meek and soft for so long. I was left playing a game of 20 Questions to myself like a crazy person for an hour afterward, "We won. How'd we win? Is the score a misprint? Did that really happen?" Three days later I'm still exhilarated, nervous, pacing.

No, not about Spurs-Rockets, dummies.

I'm talking about Turkish football, of course. Soccer. Last Saturday my homies had a do-or-die game at Norway to qualify for the Euro 2008 tournament. The Euros are the second biggest international soccert tournament in the world, after the World Cup (wiseacres basically call it the World Cup minus Brazil and Argentina because outside of Europe those two South American countries are the only ones that are real powers in soccer), and they also occur quadrennially, so that soccer nuts only have to wait two years for a major tourney.

Back in March, I never thought we'd be in this position. On the 24th of that month we stomped our arch rivals, and the defending Euro champs, 4-1, at their home turf no less. An unthinkable, unfathomable result in world football and one that left us with a 4-0-0 record in qualifying with eight games to go. Surely a juggernaut such as us would have no problem sowing up one of the top two spots in our group and clinching our place into the Euros by game 8 or 9 of qualifying, no?

No, as it turned out, not so much. After the miraculous Greece game our national team went into a tailspin, going 1-2-3 over its next six games, including a home loss to Greece (just 1-0, but still) and a jaw-dropping road draw against the winnow Maltese. As a consequence after ten games we were left out in the cold staring in, third in our group with 18 points. Greece meanwhile used the humiliation we heaped on them as a rallying point, benched their goalie Ted Danson, and went on a 5-0-1 tear to clinch the group. Manolis naturally has given me a lot of shit for it, as well he should.

Anyway, the second spot in the group was now held by Norway, with 20 points. We had a shot to overtake them in Game 11, but only with a road win. All they needed to do was get a home draw and they could make their travel plans for Austria/Switzerland while we could go shed the tears of regret on our pillows of remorse. Things looked even bleaker when one of their defenders fired home a bicycle kick, of all things in the 11th minute and Turkey was down 1-0.
But then... oh wait, that's right I already spoiled the ending with my introduction. Let's just go the clip. You'll notice our homer announcers are barely audible during Norway's fantastic goal but quite animated indeed over what appear to be, at best, two average strikes by the good guys.

So now after 11 games Turkey has 21 points to Norway's 20. By no means can we relax. Our last qualification game is Wednesday, at home against Bosnia-Herzegovina, a side we lost to 3-2 on the road a few months ago. We have to win the game, definitely, a draw won't do. Norway's last game is at Malta, for crying out loud, and there's no way they won't win that one 7-0 or some ridiculous thing. If they win and we tie, they'd edge us out in the final standings 23 points to 22 and we would have choked away a tournament birth yet again.

Frankly, I'm getting tired of seeing that. In the '04 Euro qualifying all we had to do to get in was get the better of a home-and-home with freaking Latvia. Stunningly we lost 1-0 over there and in the second leg we were actually up 2-0 at one point, meaning all we'd have to do is finish with that score and we'd be in, but they came back to tie and we were out. In the '06 World Cup qualifying my boys won a huge road game at Ukraine, eking by Denmark and Greece to finish second in our group, but then we lost the home-and-home playoffs to Switzerland, 6-4 on aggregate (a 2-0 road loss, a 4-2 home win with road goals counting double).

We haven't participated in a major tournament since the '02 World Cup, where we had an impressive result, finished third place, lost to Cup winners Brazil 1-0 in the semis. Six years is a damn long time and I don't want it to be eight. For the love of all that is holy, please let us beat goddamn Bosnia-Herzegovina tomorrow.

Alright, alright, enough about the important stuff. Let's discuss your precious (yawn) Spurs.

Yes, they did somewhat avenge their first loss of the season, and beat the formidable Rockets at home. And yes, it was nice to see Timmy bounce back with a huge first half and us doing a respectable job of containing the Big Chinaman. But really, how excited am I supposed to be considering A) they didn't have Tracy McGrady and B) LUIS SCOLA WENT OFF ON US.

Frank Caliendo is really talented.
(AP Photo/Eric Gay)
Ugh.

Look, I know I should be happy that we beat them up on the boards. Coming in I certainly wasn't expecting us to have a 4o-31 edge there. But there were several reasons as to why that stat isn't nearly as impressive as it appears. For one, there were just less missed shots for the Rockets to rebound, particularly their own. They shot 50.7% and committed 16 turnovers. They only shot like 40% the first game and that percentage was with all the easy second shots they got. The first shot percentage must have been in the 20s. So yeah, I'm not too thrilled about letting a team missing their best player make more than half their shots, but that's just me.

Secondly, their two smallish rebounding demons, Chuck Hayes and Molezi Wells suffered through some bad luck in the game. Hayes got only 13 minutes of run because of foul trouble and Scola's great night so he wasn't a factor. Wells had to play shooting guard instead of small forward with T-Mac out, so he was out on the perimeter instead of the block where he'd usually be setting up shop, and also we had the luxury of being able to put Bruce on him this time around, which helped. Mainly I think we have to remember that Wells' biggest weakness as a player has always been his inconsistency. He just doesn't come to play every night so a pathetic showing from him might have more to do with his biorhythms or his internal wiring or whatnot than anything we did.

Bonzi Wells forgot to take his crazy pills before the game.
(Photo by D. Clarke Evans/NBAE via Getty Images)
Gosh, look at me being so humble. I sound like Pop right now. "We caught Bonzi on an off night..." Lame.

Offensively, things were slightly more encouraging. Tim got the better of their single coverage this time around and made Houston pay, scoring 20 first half points before petering out and finishing the night with 25. They did double him more in the second half, but it didn't affect our three point shooting one way or another. We made 5 of 8 in the first half and 4 of 8 in the second. I don't know how we got off way more looks against them this time around, maybe we rotated it better or something (Findog had five assists) but if I had to guess, I'd say that McGrady's absence had something to do with that as well as he's certainly a better defender than Wells when he sets his mind to it.

Elevation Sensation! Whoa Timmeh might have gotten off the ground six, maybe seven inches on that one.
(Photo by D. Clarke Evans/NBAE via Getty Images)
Finley certainly did come up big, scoring 17 points on 7-0f-8 shooting, probably his best night as a Spur since Game 5 vs. the Nuggets last year, and it was nice to see him do it on the heels of the thrashing I gave him after the Dallas game. Dude even managed to garner his first offensive board of the season to boot. However his emergence, and that of Brent's as well, will inevitably lead to more Tinyball from Pop (+8 in 15 minutes this game) and that is always a troublesome thought. The centers have to step up their game as 4 points and 7 rebounds in 33 minutes won't cut it from Fabcisco Elserto.

Still, I can't help having a bad feeling about this Rockets team. They don't have McGrady and they shoot such a high percentage. Duncan gets 20 in the first half and we can't shake them. We make 9 of 16 from downtown and they don't blink. And now Scola is figuring out how to play in the league (he had another big game the next night). Right now they're having a lot of great games individually, but the chemistry isn't there yet for them to turn it into a collective effort. But by March I fear this team will be absolutely frightening, a much bigger threat than the Suns or Mavericks and really their only Achilles heels will be inconsistent 3 point shooting and the fragility of their two superduperstars.

We do have four championships, so it would be mighty ungrateful to bitch, but it certainly appears as though our front office made a colossal boner (not to be confused with a colossal Bonner) with Scola. I know the miserly owner made them do it, but to the Rockets? Jesus on a boat was that stupid. They were plenty good as it is and now they're practically unguardable. The guy's a sneaky bastard, flopping more egregiously than Sideshow Bob, but he's got way more offensive skill. Plus he knows Manu's game very well, and the three charges he drew from Opus last Friday made me all kinds of grumpy afterward.

Fuck, pass it already before he draws another one.
(AP Photo/Eric Gay)
Beno Udrih's success with the Kings I can handle. For one, the Kings are shit. For another, he was never going to play well here as a reserve. For whatever reason he has that starter's mentality, just like Fin, and it wasn't in him to give it his best and focus for 1o minutes a night as Tony's understudy. He consistently played much better for us on those rare chances he did get to start, but definitely not well enough for the coaching staff to ever consider benching Tony. I mean, there is no argument who's the better player. Still, maybe deep inside Udrih never let go of the fact that he destroyed Parker in some international game when they were both teenagers.
I don't know how the Bean Burrito's mind works and frankly I don't care. I'm just bitter we couldn't even get a good draft pick out of trading him because he was out with the broken pinky in preseason when he could have been showcased around.

Scola is a completely different story. Not only did everyone know he could play, but he could have started on our club right away with Tim shifting to center. That nonsense from Pop about "Scola wouldn't have gotten many minutes behind Timmy" is utter nonsense. The high-low game between the two of them would have been devastating. Trading him for nothing, to a rival no less, was indefensible when it was done, remains indefensible now, and will always be indefensible. I'm happy Scola's getting a chance to play in the league finally, and on my second favorite team probably, but as a Spurs fan I'm going to have a hard time forgiving Peter Holt for this one because it very well might come back to bite us in the keister come May.

(And this post started off so happy...)

Your 3 Stars

3. Michael Finley - A positive sign of things to come or one fluke good game out of ten? We shall see...
2. Manu Ginobili - Another nine rebound, seven assist night to go with the usual 19 points and clinching lay-up to ice the game. Just so you know, he's still 1st in the league in PER, and he's 1st by a three whole points. This is after 10 games folks, 1/8 of the season. 1/8 isn't a fluke, it isn't a blip. It's a chunk. Ginobili has been the best damn player in the league for a whole chunk. I'm afraid to even think about it anymore.
1. Tim Duncan - But it's still about Timmeh. Because you're not a fool, are you?

Record: 8-2
Up Next: @Atlanta Hawks
A one game road trip to the dirty dirty before we come home for a segababa against the Magic. Yeah, that absolutely makes sense. Not to spoil it or anything, but we won. Both teams scored 11 points less than I thought they would. Recap coming in a few hours...

Beno Shines, Kings Beat Pistons

I like to see former Spurs succeed when they leave San Antonio, whether its a player like Stephen Jackson, an assistant coach like Mike Brown, or a front office wunderkind like Sam Presti.

I always thought that Beno Udrih deserved more playing time than the Spurs could afford to give him. After a promising first season in 2004-2005, Beno saw his minutes drop dramatically, playing third fiddle to Nick Van Exel in the 2005-2006 season and then Jacque Vaughn in last year's playoffs.

Now that he is playing for a team that's struggling, with an injured star point guard, Beno is getting his chance to shine.

Unwanted in San Antonio, Beno Udrih appears to have found a home with the Sacramento Kings.

Udrih had 23 points and six assists to help the Kings beat the Detroit Pistons 105-95 on Sunday night.

Udrih, a late preseason cut by San Antonio who came to the Kings as a backup when Mike Bibby was injured just prior to the season, has quickly become a starter. He showed why against the Pistons, hitting 9 of 13 shots from the field and all five of his free throw attempts and fueling a strong second half by the Kings.

"I chose this team because I knew I would get an opportunity to play; I didn't get that in San Antonio," said Udrih, who played three seasons with the Spurs and owns two championship rings.

"Playing regular minutes has helped my confidence. In San Antonio I never knew how much I would play. I won't come out here if I miss one or two shots in a row."

Udrih hardly missed anything in the third quarter when he scored 15 points, including 11 in a stretch where the Kings outscored Detroit 15-1 to take the lead after trailing by nine points.

"He had an unbelievable game in the third quarter," Detroit coach Flip Saunders said. "He made shots and he made plays. He's been playing extremely well for them."

But They'll Never Take Away Our Ballroom Dancing Title...

You'll never guess who I'm mad at.

Penetrating the Lakers Over and Over Until We Came... Up With a Huge Win

Game 8: Spurs 107, Lakers 92

Man do I feel silly right now. Not as silly as say, Phil Jackson maybe, but I really thought this would be a competitive ball game. This team gave us all kinds of match-up problems last year and we were incredibly fortunate to even eek out one game against them and on paper I don't really understand why things should be any different last year. For one, they have a lot of bodies and length and athleticism they can throw at Timmy between Andrew Bynum, Chris Mihm, Ronny Turiaf and (don't laugh, he's not bad defensively) Kwame Brown. For another, at least for the time being, they still have the Colorado Casanova suiting up, and while Bowen might be the best defensive perimeter guy in the business, he hasn't shown much of an ability to slow down Bryant in the past. Really, when he's on, the guy's pretty much unstoppable, the way the game is called these days.

But the main reason the Lakers have always concerned me, at least a little, is Lamar Odom. The guy is a huge size mismatch for us at small forward and he could be a nightmare for either Finley or Manu to guard with Bruce already occupied on the Kobester. There aren't that many Western clubs that can attack us with a big post-up small forward and a dangerous shooting guard who can get 30 a night and create any shot he wants. Go down the list. Dallas can't, they're weak and small at the two spot. Howard isn't a post-up player and Avery wouldn't dare play him and Stackhouse together against us for 30+ minutes because the latter is too much of a defensive liability. Phoenix can't because Marion can't post up, can't create his own shot, and we don't fear Raja Bell at all. Denver doesn't count because A.I. and Melo will take plenty of bad shots, regardless of who covers them, and really Tony can do the job on Iverson as well as Bowen can. Sacramento can be scary with Artest and Martin, but they're too awful at point guard and defensively for it to matter.

That leaves one contender, the Rockets, and you saw what they did to us with Bonzi Moleface last week. The McGrady-Wells combination is an absolute killer for us, plus they have the big Chinese guy. Yao! indeed. And you wonder why I'm so afraid of them.

But this was supposed to be about the Lakers. You could tell Pop had match-up concerns about them because he went to a lot of zone against them. Odom should have absolutely exploited his size match-up with our guards, drawn double teams, and put up a line like 20-10-10 against us while our defense was hopelessly scrambling to cover all the open shooters he'd be kicking the ball out to, our guys completely out of position for the inevitable Kobe pump fake and blow by for dunk after dunk. Even worse, imagine if they go small with Odom, Bryant and Luke Walton out there. Do we resort to that stupid Bowen-Udoka-Gino look? Do we stay big and gamble with Timmy or Fab/Elson on Odom in a quickness mismatch?

All you need to know is that when LA played the three of them together, they were +6 in a game they lost by 15. Why Big Chief Triangle didn't use that line-up more often, I have no idea. In my mind the Lakers should be a much improved club this year, if everyone were to row in the same direction. They should be much better at point guard with Farmar having a year of experience under him and Derek Fisher a massive upgrade over Smush Parker. Turiaf looks like a good player and Bynum has a world of talent too. Me, I play the Bynum-Odom-Walton-Bryant-Farmar quintet as much as I can with Fisher as my 6th man, Turiaf as my 7th and Brown as the 8th. Everyone else there is a scrub who does more harm than good.

Nah, I don't think the Lakers are missing Smush much these days.
(Photo by D. Clarke Evans/NBAE via Getty Images)
The team that I saw take the floor however was far less than the sum of its parts. Odom, perhaps a bit skittish coming off his injury, looked like a gigantic weenie and was very hesitant to post up. Walton played only 21 minutes, and a good chunk of them in garbage time. Bryant was hyper intense defensively, but oddly detached and passionless offensively. Even with his postgame comments it was like he was reverential of our club, our camaraderie, and our defensive identity, like he was trying to audition for us or something. Hell, he even patted Opus on the head and helped him up after fouling El Gimpo on a drive. That's never happened before, for sure. Mainly they were sloppy as hell, turning it over 19 times, 15 in the decisive first half, most of them completely unforced. Hell, the starting forwards had 10 alone.

It's like none of them know how to play together and worse, taking their cues from Bryant, they have no idea how much effort their superduperstar will give them or where his mind will be from one game to the next. One day he's every bit the megalomaniac competitor that Jordan was in his prime, the next he's completely laid back and differential, like he was in that infamous Game 7 against the Suns a couple years back. Phil Jackson watches it all, oblivious, numb or jaded, it doesn't matter which. He's counting his money, basking in his inflated reputation and more interested these days in being a good quote than a good coach, your basic caricature.

His "Brokeback" comment was not only a lame attempt at gallows humor but it also made no sense. It was fake and scripted. "We" call this a Brokeback game, Phil? Who's we? You and your coaches? The movie is only two years old. What the hell did you call a game like this in 2001? A Pulp Fiction Game? A Deliverance Game? Are you calling the Spurs gay cowboys for "penetrating" your defense or your team gay cowboys for taking it and asking for more? Furthermore, what does passing or "kicking" have to do with gay sex? I admit I'm pretty uneducated on the subject, but I watched Brokeback Mountain and I don't recall any kicking during the coitus. I do recall the Heath Ledger character waking up in his tent the morning after his first gay tryst and looking over at the Jake Gyllenhaal character though, with a look on his face like, "Holy shit, did I just fuck that guy last night?" but I digress.

It's too late to put your hands over your mouth now, Phil, you already said it. The Hollywood writer's strike is affecting everybody, even the local basketball coach has to come up with his own material.
Oh, also, I really recall Anne Hathaway's breasts.

My God.

Where was I?

Oh right, L.A. The talent is plainly here on this roster for them to be as good as anyone in the conference outside of the Suns and the Texas teams but like most of their celebrity fans the Lakers seem oddly phony, disinterested, and ironically, upon closer inspection, disinteresting.

This is a Spurs blog though, so I guess I should mention them at least a little. A few quickie observations...

1) Offensively this was obviously one of Bowen's better games, but I agree with Pop that his effort wasn't anymore extraordinary than normal. However, while he made that statement to praise Bruce's professionalism, I see it as more damning for Bryant, who just floated for most of the night. Bruce really didn't need to do anything special to contain him. Don't get me wrong, he played great, at both ends for once, but I don't think he expended any more energy than normal.

Seriously, when he makes this shot, just quit playing and board the plane.
(Photo by D. Clarke Evans/NBAE via Getty Images)
2) I'm not worried about Duncan's passivity, his 2 of 13 night or the weak shit he threw up that got swatted right back in his mug repeatedly. He still was a defensive force in his own right and the big guy is allowed to have an off night now and again. I'm sure he was conserving his energy for the big back-to-back coming up.

3) That being said, it wouldn't surprise me at all to see Duncan finish the season as our 3rd leading scorer on a per game basis. At 31 he's slowly transitioning into Bill Russell Defense-and-Rebounding mode, just as The Admiral did a decade ago. Every year we're becoming more and more of a perimeter oriented team, and there's nothing wrong with that, as Duncan is a great insurance policy to have inside in big games.

4) The reason Duncan's gradual decline shouldn't alarm anyone? Simple. We have, bar none, the best backcourt in the NBA. Both Manu and Tony are playing out of their minds and have definitively dethroned the Chauncey Billups-Rip Hamilton backcourt in Detroit as the supreme guard combo in the league. Our guys have much more playmaking ability, on both ends and are more efficient scorers by leaps and bounds over that over-hyped duo. Manu and Tony are already a startling +83 together in just 155 minutes, a rate of +.534 of a point per minute. Furthermore, when you factor Duncan in there too, our big three are +82 together in just 119, a stupefying rate of +.687. How about Boston's big three, you ask? Try +.374.

Tony with a superb dish for one of Tim's two shots that didn't get rejected.
(Photo by D. Clarke Evans/NBAE via Getty Images)
5) Believe it or not, I'm fine right now with Finley starting. Yes, he's been bad. In fact, you could argue that he's been terrible. But if he's going to be terrible, it might as well be for 16 minutes a night, the first eight of each half, with the starters. He'll get into less trouble playing with Timmy and Bruce behind him defensively and having Tony and Tim taking most of the shots. Unless Pop drops him out of the rotation completely, it's really the safest spot for him to not become a complete liability. I definitely like Manu's role the way it is though. Don't change what's working there.

6) Only 8 minutes of Tinyball, and none until garbage time. Let's hope Pop has seen the light about this once and for all, especially with the next two games in the schedule coming up.

7) Darius Washington hasn't been overly impressive in any area except the one I expected the least - his shooting range. Dude's got a decent long range shot. If he can play halfway defense at all, then there's no reason to demote him to No. 3 even once Vaughn comes back.

Your 3 Stars... (with apologies to Opus, whose consistent brilliance I'm starting to take for granted)

3. Matt Bonner - We were down 28-27 when Bonner checked into the game for the first time with 8:19 to go in the first half. We ended the second quarter with a 27-10 run with Bonner knocking down four shots, two from downtown. He finished with 15 points and 4 rebounds in 19 minutes and it totally threw off the Lakers defense when he entered the game.

2. Tony Parker - With the wave of bigs being thrown on Duncan and Kobe there to hound Manu, it was imperative for The Wee Frenchman to have a big night as he was the one guy the Lakers were totally unable to account for (Derek Fisher? Seriously?), and he responded in a big way, slicing to the rim when it was there and expertly giving it up when it wasn't. He had nine dimes, both of his turnovers were late and meaningless, and the jumper was smooth as butter. He's really been on the top of his game of late and his decision making has been excellent. He's really looking like a complete point guard these days.

1. Bruce Bowen - As a rule, when he outscores Kobe, he's the first star, no questions asked.

Record: 7-1
Up Next: @ Dallas Mavericks
I've been waiting for this for months. They're the one team out there that still gives me a facial tic just thinking about them and my blood boils at the sight of them on the highlight shows. I literally hate everything about their organization, top to bottom. As much as I delighted in their choke against the W's last May, a part of me will always feel our fourth championship wasn't completely validated because we never got to properly avenge the '06 playoff loss to them. I mean, it's not like I'd put an asterisk on the title or anything - we did our part - but I just wanted to beat them so bad. Hopefully Tim comes out like an uncaged lion and Joey Crawford won't be reffing the game.

Mark Cuban on Countdown

I hereby take back most of the awful things I've said about Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, both publicly and in private.

Why? I'll give you a hint: it involves Bill O'Reilly and "Redacted," the new film by Brian De Palma.

You'll have to watch this video from Countdown with Keith Olbermann to see for yourself.

Bowen outscores KobeJackson Calls it a 'Brokeback Mountain' Game

I asked Michael to take the day off after writing four game recaps in as many days, but he declined. So this is not a game 8 recap.

You can catch last night's Spurs-Lakers highlights here, but the headline on Yahoo! Sports pretty much tells you everything you need to know: "Bowen outscores Kobe, Spurs beat Lakers."

You gotta love Pop's comment after the game:

"[Bruce's] effort tonight was no different than any other night," Spurs coach Gregg Popovich said. "It's not like he just turns it on for Kobe or this guy or that guy. He does it every night he steps on the court because he's a pro."

Bruce scored 23 last night -- that's three more points than he had scored in the last seven games combined! So I'd say, Pop, actually, Bruce's effort was decidely different last night.

Btw, what the fuck was Phil Jackson thinking last night?

The Spurs made 13 3-pointers in their 107-92 victory, and Jackson was asked if too much penetration was leading to open outside shooters.

"We call this a 'Brokeback Mountain' game, because there's so much penetration and kickouts," Jackson said. "It was one of those games."

I haven't seen 'Brokeback Mountain," and I seriously doubt many of the Lakers have, either. Regardless, that was a stupid comment. I can't wait to see how all the Lakers fans respond.

At least the Packers are doing well...

I'm not sure anyone in Wisconsin is aware that basketball season has started yet. I won't tell if you won't.

Here's the exciting PtR Game 7 recap.

Spurs Squash (fill in city they play for this year) Hornets

Game 6: Spurs 97, Hornets 85

Before I begin, just apologies all around for the lateness of this. I work like crazy from Fridays through Mondays at the bar and I'm usually too exhausted when I come home to do anything. I've been pulled over late at night by the cops two nights in a row now, once because they thought I was drunk and speeding and once because they thought I was drunk and had my high beams on against oncoming traffic. I passed their stupid "eyes following the finger" test both times and got two warnings. It's like the police can't believe anyone who's not drunk or retarded can drive this poorly.

Oh also, I've caught people doing blow at the bar my last two shifts. That's not fun. The first time it was in the bathroom when I heard this drunk clumsy guy tell one of our regulars, (who I knew was a cokehead, but not in our bar) "Hey Joaquin, let me go to the bathroom with you."

I may not be very experienced with drug culture, but I know when two guys are going to the bathroom together it can only be for one of two reasons, and neither are um... appropriate for a bar. So I kicked those guys out. Then last night these two youngsters, guys in their early 20s, were doing it right in front of me at this table, trying to disguise it by having their hands next to this big pile of chalk we use for pool. It wasn't very subtle, to say the least.

Plus last night I had to entertain my friend Roh (you might remember him from posts last year) and this girl who likes me kept texting me all night when I got home so I couldn't get anything done.

Anyway, it's Tuesday now and all of that is behind us, so let's talk about your Spurs!

So, what about them? I can't write anything interesting when we're playing this well, you know that. All I can do is throw out random stats at you like the big three were +33 when they were on the court together and that we put together a 50-20 run between the 7 minute mark of the second quarter and the 2 minute mark of the 3rd, turning a 36-27 deficit into a 77-56 lead. Really, all you need as a barometer of how the night went was that we went into halftime with a 52-45 lead and our team MVP up to this point had a statline of 0 points on 0-5 shooting, 2 rebounds, and 1 assist.

Dude, don't be so hard on yourself. It's not like your guys are getting trounced by the Bobcats over here.
(AP Photo/Alex Brandon)
Yes, Opus, who was bothered by a tight quad, did eventually get it going in the 3rd quarter and finished the night with a double-double no less, with 14 points and 10 rebounds, but this night was really our first bread and butter defense and inside domination game of the season. We just killed them in the paint with Timmy and Fab-O and I think Bruce made poor Peja Stojakovic cry he was so inside his jersey all night. Oh, and Tony (yeah, yeah) completely dominated his match-up with the much heralded Chris Paul and I did not see that coming.

Of course, there are quibbles. There are always quibbles. Pop trotted out our first bare ass nekkid line-up in a competitive situation on us for the first three minutes of the 2nd quarter. The quintet of Washington-Udoka-Bowen-Oberto-Elson did every bit as well as you'd guess, but here's a play-by-play recap, for shits and giggles:

11:40 Elson turnover on a charge against Melvin Ely (remember him?)
10:55 Washington missed a 25 foot three pointer.
10:15 Elson missed a 15 foot jumper.
9:37 Udoka missed lay-up.

Awesome! Pop, buddy, you're a great coach, but never do that shit again. Alwaysalwaysalways play one of the big three and preferably never have that one be the wee Frenchman. And just in case you thought that at least such a fivesome would at least be a defensive juggernaut, well, they were outscored 6-0 in that three minute stretch. By the Hornets second unit guys. Per 48 minutes that comes out to 96-0. Neat. Well, now that I actually crunched the numbers, I want them to play together, just to see what happens. Sounds like a tantalizing preview for Games 81 and 82.

Four down doesn't work nearly as well without Timmy on the floor, Pop. I love the looks on the faces of Fin and Chip Engelland like, "How the hell does the crazy bastard think this shit is gonna work?"
(Photo by Layne Murdoch/NBAE/Getty Images)
I know coach is always thinking a million steps ahead of me and that he was probably looking to experiment with combinations in the event of an injury to one of the big three, but good God, that was awful. I believe before the season started I wrote something like Bruce and Ime should never play together unless we are willfully trying to kill the NBA, and now you see why. Just like how having one scorer makes the rest of your guys look collectively better, having no scorers makes them all look worse. Ask the Chicago Bulls about it.

Oh, and even though one could argue that it worked, going +7 in a 2:30 stretch with a Washington-Parker backcourt, I must say that I'm not a fan of that. I hate tiny backcourts. I hated them last year whenever we used any combination of Tony/Vaughn/Udrih together, and I still hate it now. It just looks stupid and unsightly, the same as playing Bruce and Ime together or Elson and Oberto together, which we also did plenty of this game. Besides, I think the success of that line-up had more to do with Timmy being in it than Darius.

Speaking of Timmy, the big fella finally had his first dominant night of the young season, repeatedly abusing Tyson Chandler, who's probably the second best defensive center in the conference (if we're sticking to the farce that Duncan is a PF) behind Marcus Camby. He went 11 of 14 from the field, scoring in all manner of ways, and even made his first two bankers from the left elbow of the season, his signature shot having deserted him up that point. He also had 12 boards and 4 blocks in 36 minutes. It sounds obvious and redundant, but we are very, very hard to beat when Duncan plays that well.

However, Tony was just as huge in his own right. That he outscored Paul 27-18 shouldn't surprise anyone, but outassisting him 8-7 was a jaw-dropper for me. He's really been passing it well the last few games, not just finding guys camped out at the three point line like usual but also being more conscientious about looking for Oberto in his comfort spots as well. He doesn't go for the spectacular highlight passes much like Manu does, but he looks very aware these days of what's going on around him on the floor. The guy gets enough highlights as it with his usual assortment of twisting, gyrating, contortionist lay-ups, the little freak.

Just another routine lay-in for Tony.
(Photo by Layne Murdoch/NBAE/Getty Images)
Finally, I just wanted to mention Bruce real quick. Obviously he didn't do much on offense, but he rarely has to. He so thoroughly shut down Stojakovic, who's not as nimble and gifted as your Kobes and T-Macs, that Hornets coach Byron Scott basically threw the towel on that match-up and said "No mas" late into the 3rd quarter. Peja only played 25 minutes and was 1 of 6, the one basket being a lay-up off an offensive board. If you can't create your own shot, you have no chance against a guy like Bowen when he's on his game unless you have a precision offensive scheme and excellent screeners, and the Hornets offense isn't nearly that developed as say Indiana's was in Reggie Miller's heyday. Bruce really struggled defensively for the first third of last season, even getting toasted by the likes of Adam Morrison in a home game last November, but he looks locked in right off the bat this year.

Frankly, I think the Hornets are an up-and-coming team and if they can stay healthy, which they've had difficulty doing in the past, I can easily see them challenging the Nuggets for the 6th seed in the West (the first five, in my mind, are pretty set). That we dismantled them so thoroughly and easily, on the road no less, is kind of alarming. We're really good when we want to be and outside of that hiccup at Houston, the guys look focused and hungry, very strange for this early in the season. We'll know more after this weekend.

This will hurt in 1.3 seconds.
(AP Photo/Alex Brandon)
Your 3 Stars... (with apologies to Fabricio..)

3. Bruce Bowen - Peja might wrench his back again having nightmares about Mr. Potatohead.
2. Tim Duncan - It's not very often he'll have a night like that and have to settle for #2 status, but...
1. Manu Tony Parker - Sorry I was just getting used to jotting that other name down in the one spot every game. Tony was fantastic and showed that he's not about to surrender his All-Star spot to Paul without a fight.

Record: 5-1
Up Next: Vs. Milwaukee Bucks
Um... we kicked their ugly smelly asses. Recap coming on PtR.

Up Next For Reals: Vs. Los Angeles Lakers
Kobe hasn't been traded yet, I don't think. Wait, lemme check ::checks:: Nope, I think he's playing. Now this is a legitimate test for Bruce. Unfortunately for LA, the rest of their team is a legitimate test for the Sonics.